


The X-Factor

by Signe_chan



Category: Glee
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-09-22
Updated: 2011-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-23 23:18:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signe_chan/pseuds/Signe_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kurt's co-workers at sheets and things submit his name for the X-factor and he's called for audition, Kurt has to deal with the new hope in an old dream plus some old friends making a reaperance in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Auditions part 1

"Nicola," Kurt said, trying his best to maintain a level voice. "Can you please tell me why a letter came through my door this morning telling me I've been accepted to audition for the X-factor?"

Nicola, to her credit, had the decency to blush. She glanced around the empty store, as though hoping someone would appear from between the towels and save her, but it was Monday morning and they'd only just opened so the store was deserted.

"I'm waiting."

"I'm really sorry," Nicola squeaked, moving to the side a little to put the till between them. Kurt raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. "I...it wasn't my idea."

"Whose idea was it?" Kurt asked, leaning against the counter. Nicola backed up a few steps. "Was it Tracy?"

"N...no," Nicola stuttered, glancing at the door to the stock room. Tracy was on shift this morning as well, Kurt knew. She was probably back there, lounging around and pretending to work instead of getting the stock out. Well, he'd put a stop to that. Turning, he began to stalk towards the staff room door but Nicola stopped him, running around the till and grabbing his arm.

"Please, Kurt. It really wasn't her idea. Just...it was at that party we had at Easter, the one you refused to come to."

"The one I couldn't come to because I was spending the day with my mom?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. Nicola flushed an even brighter red, but she did look truly miserable and it did tug at his heart a little. He relaxed his posture, turning to face her and letting his face settle for a neutral expression rather than a scowl. "Ok, so I missed the party, how did that end up with an X-factor application?"

"Well...we were talking and Tod was saying you were telling him what a wonderful singer you are and, well..."

"None of you believed it," Kurt said, flatly, the scowl coming back all on his own when Nicola's wince confirmed it for him.

"I, well, I've never heard you sing but I said that shouldn't judge without hearing. It was Andrea who said that if you went on the X-factor they'd probably let you through to the judges as a comedy act."

"So they thought they'd maliciously enter me?"

"Tod and Andrea filled in the form. I know I should have stopped them but, well, I was a little drunk. I didn't mean for you to be upset!"

"No, I don't suppose you would. Oh stop looking like I might bight you, you're not in any danger, though I am still mad at you. And Tod, really. I mean, I expect it from Andrea but Tod was always so nice to my face..."

"I think...I think he didn't like that you're gay," Nicola whispered, and she looked as though she truly wished she could disappear into the ground. "He said something about boyfriends and x-factor being perfect and...I'm so sorry, Kurt. You can just not go."

Kurt looked down at the letter in his hand. He turned it over slowly. When he'd heard that the X-factor auditions, which changed city every year, there coming to Columbus this year he had been kind of tempted to submit an application. It had been so long since he'd last sung. In the end, that decided him. If he couldn't stand up and give the performance of his life then he didn't want to give a performance at all.

And there had been another thing.

It hadn't said specifically in the rules that people who knew the judges weren't allowed to enter, and he hadn't talked to Blaine in nearly ten year now, but he guessed it was still frowned on. Tod knew, but he doubted the other man had thought about it to enter it into the application form. In fact, Tod had been the only person he'd told for ages. Having someone famous as an ex-boyfriend always made you sound like a freak. The looks people had given him when he'd told them he used to date that ranged from vague worry to outright disbelief.

But now, now he hadn't done it. And the rules didn't specifically say he couldn't. And it never had liked Andrea.

"No," he said, slowly. "No, the best thing I can do is go along. You can come with me for moral support, and don't you dare tell anyone else. If I get through then at least that should wipe the smirks of their faces and if I don't, well, I haven't lost anything, right?"

"Ok," Nicola squawked, and he suspected she was agreeing more out of fear than any desire to watch him audition for the x-factor, but if she was this scared at least she probably wouldn't tell anyone. It would be bad enough to go and be turned down without anyone knowing, if Nicola told Tod and Andrea...

"Remember, tell anyone and I will be so angry. I'm serious, Nicola. They don't get to know unless I get through the audition."

"I understand."

Kurt nodded, then turned and walked out of the shop, leaving Nicola to scramble back behind the till and hide. If he was going to do this, he needed a song and he needed a new outfit and he didn't have much time.


	2. Chapter 1 - Audtions Part 2

Kurt Hummel was not a morning kind of person. It seemed to surprise a lot of people, who thought that the ordered way he ran his life would extend over to the hours he slept, but he really wasn't. He appreciated as much as anyone those few precious moments more under his duvet in the morning, though he didn't often let himself indulge.

They had to be in Columbus for 7AM for his X-factor audition, which meant a 2AM start at least if he wanted to look good, and that wasn't going to help his voice. He looked briefly at a hotel room for the night but the wage from Sheets and things was hardly millions. Even split, they couldn't afford it, so driving it was.

By the time Natalie showed up on his door, blinking and looking rather rumpled, he's showered, styled his hair and run through a morning vocal practice. He'd also packed a hamper with warm soothing drinks and soothing foods. Nothing would damage his voice today. Still, he kind of hated the precaution. He kind of hated that the hotel room for one night was so out of his price range. Making the trip at all was a big deal, but he kept telling himself it would be worth it.

It had to be worth it.

They got into Columbus at 5:54 exactly, and were in the line ten minutes later. The line was already insane, and Kurt couldn't help his heart sinking a little when he looked at it. He knew he was good, he knew he had talent, but how was he meant to make anyone else see that in a crowd like this?

Nicola, still exhausted, all but curled up at his feet and went to sleep. She'd spent the ride over dozing and as soon as they were in the line she sat down and proceeded dozing again, curled up in her oversized sweater.

Kurt wished he could join her, but despite the fact he hadn't had coffee that morning (bad for the vocal cords) he still couldn't relax. Something about the crowd, the sheer size of it, made him nauseous with anxiety. This was meant to be it, his last big shot after he'd lost so many, but in a crowd like this he'd never be seen. He was used to Lima and small light and being carried through by being the only flamboyant gay in residence, that wouldn’t be enough here and he knew it. He should have known it already, from high school, but he tried not to think about that too much.

He made himself appear relaxed. Made himself drink a cup of the hot honey and lemon drink he'd made himself. He hated the taste, but he needed all the help he could get.

The letter he’d been sent said to be there at seven, but seven came and went and all that happened was the crowd growing. He wished he’d known in advance that the seven was apparently a suggested time and he’d have spent longer in bed. His throat wasn’t as strong as it used to be and he would take all the help he could get to get through today.

Nicola woke up properly at about 7, grumbling about coffee and, when Kurt made it clear he hadn’t packed any, settling for a cup of milky tea and a couple of cookies he’d hidden away for her (it wasn’t her fault they were here, after all, and he was going to need her on side for this).

People were starting to grumble about the line by eight, and about being kept waiting. Before, people had been sticking to their own small groups, now they were turning to others and chatting. Kurt kept his head down, saving his voice.

He knew it made him a little paranoid, but he still felt all his hopes resting there, and his voice wasn’t as well trained as it used to be. For a while it just hadn’t even been on his priority list, and then when he’d had time again there just didn’t seem to be any point to it. When your work life consists of folding towels and the highest you can hope for is maybe involvement in community theatre, why even try?

Now, well, he’d spent the time between the letter and today telling himself not to pin his hopes on the day, not to see this as a last chance, because that boat had sailed. Still, he couldn’t help but want, and he was going to try.

He rested his voice, but Nicola chatted happily with the people around them, content to ignore him to his honey and lemon and amuse herself in other ways. She chatted with the couple behind them, who seemed to have an infinite supply of pictures of their dead dog and a heart warming story about how the dog had loved to listen to them sing and it had inspired them to try out. The girl in front was busy running through vocal exercises and only looked at Nicola with contempt when she tried to talk to her, so she stuck to the dog couple.

He did feel like a bit of a bad friend, dragging her here and then sitting so quietly, but he couldn’t find it in himself to chatter and gossip either, not today.

The words last chance seemed to have imprinted themselves on his mind.

Finally, at about nine, they were a commotion at the front of the crowd, and a few second later speakers stuttered to life, shouting things like “Columbus Ohio, do you have the X-factor” which seemed to get the crowd riled up again.

Nicola drifted back to him, slipping her hand through his arm and looking around the crowd. His feet were starting to hurt from the standing but he didn’t want to sit down on the cold floor and risk his trousers.

“What’s happening?” Nicola mumbled, trying to stand on the tips of her toes to see over the crowd. Kurt smiled at her indulgently, she only came up to his shoulder, it reminded him of a certain short best friend he once had who would have been counted on to come to things like this.

“Not a lot yet,” he said, softly. “I think they’re filming some stuff with the presenter.”

“Well, I hope we get to go in soon,” she mumbled, leaning against his side. “I’m exhausted, need a sit down.”

“Says she who slept through the entire drive here and at least an hour of the line.”

“I wasn’t sleeping, I was resting my eyes. Anyway, it’ll be exciting now. I always wanted to see the X-factor being filmed.”

“Me too,” Kurt whispered, suddenly feeling oddly conspiratorial. He’d watched the show every year since it had come to the USA, he still remembered the first year, curled up on the couch every Wednesday and Thursday night to watch it with Blaine, commenting together on the singing and the costumes.

But that was gone, things changed.

Still, the X-Factor was the same. When things had been bad he’d been able to rely on it for a little light relief, something fun and predictable in his world. He’d dreamed about auditioning, he and Rachel had come up with a piece in that summer after high school, but to actually be here.

He squeezed Nicola a little quieter and the speakers crackled to life again.

They were all told to crowd together, destroying the neat lines they’d set up and loosing the couple with the doc pictures in the process, and Kurt couldn’t really say he was sad to see them go. He had an idea they were exactly the kind of people who were going to end up on the show, though.

It would be incredibly depressing if he lost out to a couple singing in memory of their dog, though he supposed singing in memory of a dead bird had got him his first boyfriend.

If he’d hoped the destruction of the line system meant they were going in, he was wrong. They stood and swayed, screamed and danced as directed by the loud speakers, while cameras filmed them. Kurt refused to participate, standing still with his flask clutched in his hand and his mouth closed. Nicola laughed at him for it, pulling at his shoulder to try and get him to participate but he wasn’t interested, he had his voice to think about.

At 11:30 the doors finally opened.

It took another forty minutes for them to go through, their documents being checked thoroughly before they were let through and seated, this time between a woman who looked like she’d upended a barrel of face points over herself and her clothes that morning in preparation and a loud family with a starry eyes teenager. The whole lot of them kept bursting into tears and laughing. It was disgustingly touching.

They ate some more food from Kurt’s hamper, Nicola complaining that her cookies were already gone and refusing to be swayed by Kurt’s insistence that humus was lovely once you got used to it. He tried pointing out other contestants for her for a while, but she didn’t have much of an eye for clothing, so they settled back into gossiping about people from work and pointless local chat.

After the first hour Nicola was starting to droop again, mumbling about how she wasn’t used to being awake this early and eventually lying her head on his shoulder and dozing again. Kurt took out his phone to check facebook and twitter, replying to a few tweets about fashion before he shut them down.

Rachel had made a post on facebook about her latest Broadway audition, not that she really needed to audition these days, if she was invited along she basically had the role, it was more picking what she wanted to do.

Sometimes Kurt would read her updates, compare then to his, and feel empty inside. She was cast in her first Broadway role, he got a job at sheets and things. She got a Tony, he saw an interesting cat on the way home. She was angling for the role of Fanny Bryce, he had a talk with his manager about how he needed to socialise more and really be part of the team.

Sometimes he cried himself to sleep.

Two hours after they found their seats, the cameras came out again. Nicola seemed rejuvenated by her sleep and was as happy as anyone to jump around, wave her arms in the air, scream and pass the flag.

Kurt joined in with the waving and jumping in an attempt to throw of the melancholy that had settled in his throat while Nicola slept, though he still refused to scream. His vocal cords would never forgive him.

After another hour of shouting and waving and filming, just as the crowd was reaching the point of mutiny, they opened the booths.

Kurt had read about the general process on Wikipedia and knew there were two rounds of production teams to get through before the judges, but he thought he’d be in the first audition by 9, not just starting now at nearly 3PM. Rows were taken down one at a time and let into the booths, people emerging quickly with either a golden ticked clutched in their hand or nothing.

The multi-coloured girl was re-touching her makeup, the family at the other side were still crying.

All Kurt could do was stare as the people moved in and out of the booths, directed by people in black x-factor t-shirts. Nicola joined him, playing at guessing before they went on just who would come out with the coveted golden tickets.

It didn’t take long to spot a pattern.

“Nicola,” he mumbled, squeezing her arm to cut of her ramble about if a woman with three kids should get through on a pity vote and how she must be amazing to have managed those kids all day. “Are you noticing anything about who gets the golden tickets?”

“Erm, we’re not guessing very well?” Nicola asked, shifting and staring at the booths, as if the weight of her gaze would make them reveal to her what Kurt was seeing.

“Only some of the booths are giving out golden tickets,” he said, keeping his voice low. If there was a secret to this, he didn’t want it broadcast to the entire hall. “The one on the end at the left and the third from the right.”

Nicola stared at the stage for a second, concentrating hard as though her stare could make the stage spill it’s secrets. Someone came out of the end on the left with a golden ticket. A few round later, someone from the third on the right. Everyone else was rejected.

“You think it’s rigged?” Nicola whispered, and Kurt felt something clench in his gut. It couldn’t be, this wasn’t fair. This was his chance, and he didn’t want to put his hopes on it but, at the same time, if he failed he wanted to fail because of his voice, not because luck put him in the wrong booth.

He lost all interest in their silly game after that. One of the other booths handed out a few tickets, then stopped again, but the majority came from those two booths.

He guessed it made sense, in an odd way. Talent wasn’t that rare, something he’d learnt too late. Trimming down the field probably made it a lot more manageable, but still. He couldn’t help hoping he was wrong.

His line was called. He left Nicola digging through his bag for more food and filled down to the stage, between the coloured lady and the loved child. His stomach wouldn’t stop turning.

He watched them go up, trying not to notice who got the ticket and who didn’t. His palms were sweating and he almost felt faint, this was it and it was going to be decided by the luck of the draw.

The loved child was lead onto the stage, past the first booth, then into the one after and Kurt felt his heart flutter, though he immediately felt guilty, the loved child took that bullet, not him.

Then he was being led up and his heart was racing. Past the first booth, something inside him clenched. Past the loved child, who he could head was rather good, past the booth where there’d been tickets for a while and they’d dried up, and his guy clenched. They were going to go past the third on the left, his last chance, and he wanted to scream.

Suddenly, at the last second, the usher stopped and, with a bored expression, showed him in to the second to last booth.

The heaviness shifted from his stomach, he had a chance.

In the booth, a woman took his name and checked his passport and letter of invitation. He sang his song. The woman looked harried through most of his performance but managed to dredge up a smile for him at the end, handing him a golden ticket and telling him he sung beautifully.

Before he could even comprehend it he was being herded backstage, the ticket clutched in his too sweaty palm.

The buzz wasn’t as good as singing at nationals in New York, but it was close.

A good ten minute later Nicola joined him, looking frazzled and clutching his bag to her chest but with a huge grin on her face. He couldn’t help but stand up and hug her, thought she seemed a little shocked by the gesture as he tended to keep to himself.

They chatted excitedly for about twenty minutes, holding hands and giggling as more people were shown into the room. People were slowly being siphoned off from the other end of the room, but rumour started circulating that the golden ticket only entitled you to an invite back.

This was pretty quickly confirmed by a harried looking steward they stopped.

Still, to Kurt that almost made it better in a way, he’d passed the first hurdle and he’d done it with style, without his voice dying on him. He didn’t think she’d let him through for a comedy act.

He still didn’t dare tell anyone yet. He wouldn’t, not until he was on that stage singing to Blaine again.

They spent two hours in the last line, then swapped his golden ticket for a letter inviting him back and warning him to wear the same clothes next time then they were back out of the street and pilling back into the car.

It was 7PM.

“I can’t believe you’re through,” Nicola said as they approached the car. She was still carrying his bag, like she thought she was his personal assistant, but he was happy to let her now.

“It was just luck, really,” Kurt mumbled, a little saddened by how much that was true. “Now I’m going to have to come back and do the entire thing again.”

“Want me with you again next time?” Nicola asked, bumping against his shoulder. He smiled, slipping his arm around her and squeezing her softly.

“You’re my X-factor audition buddy now, you’re stuck with me until I get kicked off. Don’t worry, if shouldn’t take too long.”

“Don’t be so down on yourself,” Nicola said, sounding shocked, and he just laughed.

“It’s ok, I...look, do you want to drive us home? At least part way. I’m exhausted.”

“Sure,” Nicola said, casting a unsure glance at his car. He had a bit of a reputation about it, wanting to keep it perfect, but right now, the adrenaline of the audition was long gone in all the lines and he just wanted to sleep. Nicola took the keys and he was asleep before they were out of Columbus.

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, a few notes. I'm getting my information on what it's like to audition for X-factor from people who've written about their experiences [here](http://zoey24.hubpages.com/hub/Is-The-X-Factor-Really-a-Sham), [here](http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/scott-bryan/what-are-the-x-factor-aud_b_907490.html) and [here](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8209429.stm). Though reading them might spoil this next part of this fic for you. I'm not sure how accurate they are, and I've played up the implication in one that getting through the early round is more luck than skill, but this is just fic and therefore not intended to be 100% accurate.


	3. Chapter 2 - Audition part 3

Kurt did his research for the call back, combing over blog articles compulsively in the week he had free. Marianne, the boss, had looked at him a little oddly when he’d requested another day off just a week after the first, which was strange given his track record (it wasn’t like he had much to take days of for). At least Nicola got of lightly since it was her day off anyway.

He did half consider telling her not to bother going with him for the second audition, since the internet informed him that the odds of him being filmed were rather low, but he was still kind of sore about the entire thing where they put him forward without telling him to try and humiliate him. He knew Nicola hadn’t been the one to do it, but she hadn’t stopped them either and, well, he just kind of didn’t want to go alone.

It was much less crowded, now that it had been thinned out at least a little, and Kurt was heartened by that at least. He might not make it to the filming but he hadn’t been sent home with the first lot, even if it was more luck than skill.

Nicola seemed perkier this time at least, dosing herself up on chocolate covered coffee beans and chatting away about work and her cat who was due to have kittens and how her boyfriend, a boring looking guy Kurt vaguely remembered from high school, was probably going to propose this year.

He thought it was kind of cute, in a disgustingly suburban way. No doubt they’d have a few babies and she’d end up driving some horrific people carrier and ferrying them to soccer games and, if they did get on the TV, they’d probably make a recording of it and inflict it on their poor children to show them that time their mommy got to be on TV.

It was cute, but it almost made him sick.

He didn’t see any of the people he’d picked out from the last time he’d been here, but without the cameras sweeping across doing endless crowd shots everyone seemed much more relaxed. Kurt spent a good thirty minutes chatting with an old gentleman in the row in front of him about how the bowtie was underappreciated by the modern generation and the virtues of suspenders, which was nice. On their left, next to Nicola was a teenage boy who seemed to have watched every episode of the X-factor ever, including the versions not from America, and had opinions on them. Kurt listened in for a few minutes but not too long, it was depressing to hear the boy enthuse about all the amazing talents that had been on the show.

The person to their right, say next to him, was a middle aged woman in a strange floral dress, her hair pulled back in a scrunchie. She was clearly there with the man next to her, a kind of imposing guy with a handlebar moustache, but they sat there in a strange silence that Kurt was almost unwilling to break, until she smiled at him in way that reminded him of those small, uncertain smiled Carole used to give him when they first met, and he found himself pulled into conversation.

Everyone around him seemed willing to spill their life stories. The old man was called Reg and he’d outlived two wives, but had no children. He’d dreamed of singing since he was young but it had never been a thing a respectable boy like him was allowed to do, but his sister’s grandchild had put him forward for the show and he’d agreed.

The kid with the encyclopaedic knowledge was called Justin. He liked rock music but his voice wasn’t suited to it and his mom had wanted to be here today but as a single parent with four kids she hadn’t been able to.

The woman was called Patty. The man next to her was her husband of twenty years. They had three cats, something that lead to her giving Nicola advice on birthing kittens, and her grown-up daughter had just moved to Texas, so she thought it was about time she followed her dream.

Kurt kept his story close to his chest. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to share, he knew that if he did make it in front of the cameras then someone would pry it out of him, but for now he felt it. He was so used to not talking about it by now, so used to trying to ignore it that he just did it on instinct.

As they moved down, snaking through the rows as they all shuffled up every time a group was taken in to see the judges. They met a girl from Poland who’s fiancé had just left her, a girl group who wanted to be the next Destiny’s child, a small acapella choir who had enthused at Kurt for a good long time when he’d let drop that he’d once been in an acapella choir too and a girl who could only have just turned 14 and her mother, both of who clutched hymn books and looked at him suspiciously.

They had a break for lunch when he was nearly at the front, which Kurt took as a good thing as the panel would feel revived when they came to see him. He and Nicola ate sandwiches they’d brought with them, and Nicola ended up sharing the cookies he’d brought for her (he wasn’t that cruel, after all, and she was giving up her free day to support him) with the kid with the obsession.

They were the second group in after the break.

Kurt stood there between the kid and the woman with the cats and then the nerves began to click in again. The panel looked bored, like they’d have liked to extend their lunch break for another hour or so, and that really wasn’t a good sign.

He was next to the end of the line, and as he listened to the first girl sing his heart fell. She was called Madeline and she sounded like an angel. As she sang the panel doodled, signed, and checked their watches, then told her she wasn’t what they were looking for and pointed her through the door.

His heart dropped.

The next two acts were mediocre and met the same fate, though at least Kurt could say they weren’t as good as him, but the voice of the first girl just kept running through him and, really, if she didn’t get through then how was he going to get through?

The fourth act was terrible, a bad falsetto on a woman with horn rimmed glasses who would never see 40 again. She got through, and was told to wait in the room while the rest of them auditioned.

And suddenly Kurt felt like his chest was clenching. What if that was all they wanted right now, comedy acts? What if that would get him though. He could do a bad act. He could sing horribly, let them think he was a joke, get through and then in the actual audition sing properly.

The guy before Justin got send him in tears, literally which was a little embarrassing.

He could do it, he knew he could. It might get him through.

And Justin began to sing. His voice was soft, low. It wavered a little but there was a kind of genuine quality too it and if Kurt didn’t see it was this strange boy singing, he wouldn’t have believed it.

They let him through.

And suddenly Kurt was telling them his name and the music was starting and he knew that, for all he’d thought before, he couldn’t fake a bad song to get on the show. Sink or swim, he owed it to himself to give them his best shot.

He closed his eyes and he sang.

They let him through; the lady after him went home.

In the rush of adrenaline after each of them was handed a letter which explained that ‘lucky applicants’ would get a call back in the next week to talk about their shooting and Kurt still somehow didn’t believe it, though they were leaving the room and Nicola was grinning and hugging him and Justin and he was through and he was going to be on TV and he might make it this time and he was going to sing for Blaine again.

He wasn’t sure which part excited him more.


	4. Chapter 3 - Audition part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kurt finally sings to the judges

Kurt gets the call-back three days later, and he hadn’t given up hope because they didn’t exactly SAY when they were going to ring back but, yeah, he’s still pretty glad to get that call back.

He spends half an hour hidden in the back of the store pretending he’s doing stock but actually talking to someone at the X-factor so they can put together some interview questions for him to save time on the day, and his stomach does back flips the entire time. He tells them about Blaine and high school and they don’t seem fazed by it, so he lets it go. If it’s not a big deal for them, he certainly won’t argue.

When Nicola come in for the afternoon he whispers to her that he got through and she hugs him.

~*~*~*~

In the end, they pool their resources and get a hotel room for the night before the big day. It’s strange to try and sleep while Nicola snores gently across the room, like it’s strange to go out for dinner with her and listen to her chatter at him like they’re friends now. And he guesses they are really, which is strange as she was the co-worker he would have thought himself least likely to get along with, but somewhere in the last few weeks of auditions and waiting and hoping, well, he’s gotten used to her.

He still gets up early, there really will be cameras this time and he’s spent the better part of his life trying to look fabulous, he’s not going to stop now. He washes, brushes, styles and makes himself perfect even before Nicola has managed to crawl out of the nest of blankets she made on her single bed.

It was much more pleasant this time, there was a giant line for the audience but they went straight past it into a hall where he was given a number and shows into a lounge, just waiting for it all to start.

~*~*~*~

There are 4 people standing between them and that amazing prize: The X-factor judges.

Heading up the X-factor judging panel. He’s back! Simon Cowell. As a record executive for Sony he’s responsible for 300 million record sales and he’s renowned as the most successful talent scout on the planet.

“Since I brought the X-factor to the US we’ve seen some amazing talent so this year, to win, you’re going to need to be better than everyone who’s gone before.”

Returning to join Simon Cowl is award winning writer, producer and record executive L.A.Reid. The man responsible for the careers of Maria Carey, P!nk, Rhianna, Usher and Justin Beiber.

“I take the X-factor seriously. We’re here to discover the next generation of stars so thought without talent need not apply”

Also returning for her second season on X-factor, pop sensation Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga has sold millions of records worldwide as well as inspiring a fashion range and a generation of little monsters.

“What I’m looking for is someone who can really shine, who isn’t afraid to stand up and be themselves.”

And finally, the new judge. Best selling recording artist Blaine Anderson. He’s stolen the hearts of men and women around the globe and initiated the new trend in acapella pop, but will he be impressed by the American public?

“I think that there’s a lot of talent out there, and that a lot of people who deserve it don’t get their chance to shine so I’m here to help put that right”.

~*~*~*~

They spotted Justin pretty much as soon as they got into the lounge, sitting near the door on his own again, and headed straight over. He seemed pitifully happy to see them there, standing up and letting Nicola hug him. Kurt couldn’t help but think she was going to make somebody an awesome mommy some day.

People were circulating with cameras already, approaching groups and filming a little segment with them and then moving on. It made it all seem real, at least. He was going to be filmed. He was going to walk out on the X-factor stage and sing and he could already feel his guts knotting.

This wasn’t like when he’s auditioned in high school for parts, life had already taught him that while he was plenty talented, lots of other people were too so he couldn’t imply rely on being talented to get through. It wasn’t like auditioning for school either, he’d never had an audience for that, and out there it wouldn’t just be Simon Cowel, L.A.Reid, Lady Gaga, oh lord he was going to sing in front of Lady Gaga, and Blaine, of all people, it would be an entire audience.

If Justin wasn’t already looking so sick, Kurt might have started to feel sick himself. As it was, he felt at least that he should nominally act as the responsibly adult, and that meant not throwing up on his tasteful shoes.

They came around and shot a few of him. He talked a little about his dreams, about how he knew Blaine when they were in High School. They took some video of him preparing, checking he looked good in the mirrors and such.

Then they were telling him that he should get backstage with his guest, and Justin genuinely looks like he’s about to throw up on his shoes and Kurt shouldn’t have to deal with this.

“Nicola,” he says, and he tone is a little sharper than he intended but, well, it’s time. “Look, you stay with Justin, I’ll wait for you when I get out.”

She looks up at him, and she looks a bit like a kicked puppy.

“But don’t...don’t you need me with you?”

He looks at her, he looks at Justin, then he looks at the camera which is very much trained on him at the moment. Justin looks like he might cry.

“I...I’m an adult, I can go up on my own. Justin looks, not offense sweetie, like he’s about to barf. He needs someone here to keep him calm, I don’t. Stay with him.”

And Justin looks up at him with these big sickly eyes and before Kurt can stop him he’s standing up and wrapping his arms around Kurt and, ok, he wasn’t expecting this but it’s maybe ok because, well, he’s doing something good and it’s always nice to be rewarded when you do something good. And Nicola isn’t going to be there behind the stage with him to hug him when he’s done so he might as well get a hug now.

“Thank you,” Justin whispers, pulling away, and Kurt just smiles and pats his shoulder.

“Just do your best, I’ll see you on the other side.”

And then he’s being pulled away down the corridor and he’s chatting to the presenter as if this is the kind of thing he does every day and then he’s walking up on stage and hoping like heck his brain starts functioning properly again soon.

~*~*~*~

The stage is just as daunting as he expected, he keeps expecting to tip and fall and he just keeps his eyes down on the mark he was heading for until he’s situated. Then he looks up.

And the crowd blindsides him before he even gets to the judges, so many people looking down at him and he’s NEVER played to an audience like this before, never. Then the judges, and he thinks he’s going to die because it’s not enough that they’re all their to judge him, they have to include his idol and his X-boyfriend.

It’s the kind of stuff that nightmares are made of.

Then the questioning starts.

“Hello,” Simon says, and forced himself to look at him and not panic, because he is NOT going to be the one who panics. “What’s your name.”

“I’m Kurt Hummel,” he replies, and he’s glad that he can at least speak up on this stage.

“And how old are you, Kurt?”

“I’m twenty six.”

Simon nods as if that’s some kind of vital password that Kurt’s got right.

“Hey Kurt,” Blaine says, and it’s so familiar and so alien at once that Kurt almost jumps as he turns to face the only boy he’s ever said “I love you” to. “Just to get it out of the way, we’ve filmed a little segment with me talking about you earlier, so you don’t need to worry about that now,” and Blaine looks like he’s struggling too, like he’s not quite sure how to play this situation and Kurt can’t help smiling a bit at this, like it might be as odd for Blaine as it is for him. “How’s your dad?”

And it’s like a punch, because he hadn’t been expecting that at all. He hadn’t mentioned his dad to anyone in the production team, which meant that was probably just something casual Blaine threw in there to try and put him at his ease.

“He...he died,” he says, and he really can’t do this in front of this audience. “A few years ago, I’d rather not...”

“Ok,” Blaine says quickly, and he looks a bit like a kicked puppy and Kurt’s not sure if he wants to laugh or cry. “Erm, ok. So...how do you make your living these days, Kurt?”

“I work at sheets and things,” he says, and he’s sure he’s blushing a little because it’s too much like admitting he’s a complete loser. “We sell sheets, and things.”

“Awesome, and do you want to tell us what made you apply for the X-factor?”

“That’s easy,” Kurt says, and he was expecting this questions as he told the researcher this story so he does, now, relax a little. “I didn’t apply, someone I work for sent in the application for me. They didn’t believe that I could sing and, well, they didn’t believe me when I said I used to know Blaine either so they put an application in for me to try and show me up, but I’m here to show them that I’m not lying, I do have what it takes.”

“Are you sure you’ve got what it takes?” Lady Gaga asks, but she’s smiling a little and he can’t help but smile back.

“Absolutely, I was born for the stage.”

“So, why do you think you haven’t had your break yet?” L.A.Reid asked, and Kurt frowns because, well, he’s never liked this guy as a judge and that question.

“I nearly did,” he says simply, “But my dad wasn’t well at the time and being close to him, in the end, was more important to me. But I know he wanted me to follow me dreams, he’d be happy to see me here now trying again.”

“One last question,” and it’s Blain again, smiling at him in a knowing way. “What would you do with the prize money?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt says, shrugging a little. “The money is nice but not important. I’m not here for money, I’m here to prove to those people who said I can’t sing that they’re wrong.”

“Good answer,” Simon says, and Kurt’s heart flutters a little. “What are you going to sing for us today?”

“A song I sang back in my old Glee club in high school,” Kurt says, “I’m going to sing ‘as if we never said goodbye’ from the musical ‘sunset boulevard’.”

He steps back, waiting a few seconds for the music to kick in and breathing slowly. He picked this song for a reason, he’s performed it once already, even if it was only to friends, and he knew it inside out.

He knew they were waiting for him to fail, he could almost taste it in the air, and he knew it wasn’t an option.

“I don’t know why I’m frightened...”

A hush fell, and Kurt let his eyes drop closed.

“I know me way around here.”

Slowly he turned to his left, letting his eyes slide open again.

“The cardboard trees, the painted seas, the sound here,” he sings, reaching out as thought to tough those things. “Yes, a world to rediscover, but I’m not in any hurry, and I need a moment,” and as he singe his eyes drift shut and he brings his hand to his chest, clutching it into a fist.

“The whispered conversations, in overcrowded hallways,” he sings, body still angled towards the imaginary scenery, away from the judges, away from the crowd. “The atmosphere is thrilling here as always. Feel the early morning madness. Feel the magic in the making. Why, everything’s as if we never said goodbye.” As he sings the last line he allows himself to turn, taking in the audience and the judges, letting them back into his bubble and there’s no derision left there. Blaine is looking at him in a soft knowing way, L.A.Reid is smiling, Lady Gaga is holding a hand to her chest, and the audience...

“I’ve spent so many mornings just trying to resist you. I’m trembling now, you can’t know how I’ve missed you,” and he holds his slightly trembling hand out for them, evidence of his sincerity, they’re already starting to cheer and he feels it surging through him. “Missed the fairytale adventure in this ever spinning playground, we were young together.”

“I’m coming out of makeup,” a step forward. “The light’s already burning,” tilting his head back to look at the light, “Not long until the cameras will start turning,” sung directly to the nearest camera. “and the early morning madness, and the magic in the making,” sung to the floor at the edge of the stage. “Yes,” a quick turn of his head to look up at the audience. “Everything’s as if we never said goodbye.

And their applause is a roar now, burning through him and filling him and he’s DOING this.

Then he turned to look Blaine in the eye to find his gaze returned with that soft tenderness he’s missed for so long.

“I don’t want to be alone, that’s all in the past.” And Blaine grins as the line is directed at him. “This world’s waited long enough,” sung to Simon, and even he’s smiling, “I’ve come home at last,” sung to the audience, and they’re screaming now and standing and he wanted to cry because he’s done it.

“And this time will be bigger and brighter than we knew it.” He sings, finally just letting the music take him, throwing his arms wide and giving his everything to this crowd here cheering for him. “So watch me fly, we all know I can do it! Could I stop my hands from shaking. Has there ever been a moment with so much to live for?” and as the music drops at the end of the line he lowers his arms, lowers his eyes and looks as Blaine again, Blaine who is standing and clapping and smiling for Kurt. After all this time.

“The whispered conversation, in overcrowded hallway. So much to say, not just today, but always.” And Kurt couldn’t have stopped himself singing to Blain now, even if he’d wanted to. “We’ll have early morning madness! We’ll have magic in the making. Yes, everything as if we never said goodbye. We taught the world new ways to dream.”

And as the music drops away he’s left with only the crowd and the deafening roar in his ears and all the judges on their feet and smiling and he couldn’t have stopped himself crying in that moment even if he’d wanted to. He’d know. He’s known that he had that inside him but he’d never dreamed that he’d managed to bring it out, not like this. Not enough to make this entire crowd get to their feet and cheer for him.

It was everything he’d ever dreamed of, back in those lonely days in high school. Well, almost everything.

Then the applause is dying, the judges are sitting again.

“Kurt,” Simon says, and he’s still smiling. “Your voice, it’s just incredible. That was beautiful.”

“You’ve got it,” Lady Gaga says, and he’s blinking at her thorough his tears and he can’t stop grinning. “You have the X-factor. You’re a star Kurt, I’m so glad we’re getting to see you shine.”

“You know that what I want it someone who makes me arms tingle, Kurt,” L.A.Reid says, and even he’s grinning. “That was one arm tingling performance.”

“Kurt,” Blaine says, and if it was possible Kurt would grin ever wider, though he knows that be now he must be horribly splodgey because he can’t get the teats stopped. “Kurt, I’m going to say to you what I’ve said all along. Your singing, it moves me.”

And he does almost sob at that, then suddenly Blaine is stood up again and moving and the other judges are giving him strange looks but Kurt thinks he knows, he turns towards the side of the stage where the steps are and sure enough Blaine heads there, climbing straight up on to the stage and Kurt walks forward to meet him and those arms go around him again and this...

This is everything.

They embrace for a second, and Kurt even forgets the cameras are there with Blaine’s arms around him, but far too soon Blaine is pulling back and pressing a soft kiss on one cheek, red and puffy from crying, then turning and leaving the stage again. The other judges are smiling indulgently and laughing and Kurt moves slowly back to his mark.

“Let’s vote, L.A.?”

“Kurt, yes.”

“Lady Gaga?”

“It’s a yes from me.”

“Blaine?”

“So many yeses.”

“And it’s a yes from me. Well done, Kurt, you’re through.”

He isn’t sure how he gets of the stage, but he doesn’t stop grinning all the while he waits, through other peoples tears of joy or disappointment, until Nicola and Justin appear and she hugs him again, and part of him is afraid that hugging her will make him forget the feel of Blaine’s arms again after so long but mostly he just wants to be happy and loved.

Justin makes it through too, and he and Nicola end up taking him out for dinner to celebrate and driving him home with a firm promise to see him again when they get to boot camp.

Kurt hasn’t felt so alive in years.


	5. Bootcamp part 1

Chapter 5

X-factor hopeful: I was Blaine's first boyfriend

Controversy on the X-factor this week as one contestant, Kurt Hummel, went through to Boot Camp despite the fact that he used to date judge, Blaine Anderson. Kurt went through with four votes but is it really fair for Blaine to judge his former boyfriend? Blaine says he'll treat Kurt like any other X-factor contestant, but he also confesses that Kurt was his first love. “Yeah, we dated in high school,” Blaine told the cameras, “He was my first love and I'm really looking forward to seeing how he manages in the competition”. Other X-factor contestants are unimpressed. “I don't like it,” says Estelle, who also made it to boot camp. “The rest of us had to work extra hard to be here, it's not like the judges are going to be as harsh on him if he used to date one of them, is it.” Kurt has so far declined to comment, and at this point his former relationship hasn't benefited him too much, but if Kurt gets through to the judges houses and Blaine gets the boys, will we still be able to say that?

~*~*~*~

Kurt arrived at bootcamp at 8PM when the party was already in full swing. He'd still not told anyone what was going on. They had a few weeks between boot camp and the live shows; he'd phone Carole if he got as far as the judges house. Either way, nobody knew where he was going that week or why he'd suddenly taken a week off, other than Nicola, so he'd been held up first by a long phone conversation with his boss where she told him was being unreliable, and he told her that he had not taken more than two days holiday at once since he'd started working for her and that she'd cope with it.

After that, there had been the phone call from Carole, and in all the excitement he'd forgotten it was the first weekend of the month when they usually had their lunch date. He'd tried to blow her off but she'd seemed so sad that in the end, he'd put off the journey to go and get a quick lunch with her.

The roads on the way in had been terrible. It had been one when he set off, straight from his lunch, and the journey should only have taken five hours (thankfully, if he'd had to travel all across the country for this he'd be in so much trouble; he didn't have that money to throw around) but it took closer to seven.

He hauled his suitcase upstairs and unpacked to the sounds of screaming and partying from below, only finally venturing down in the hope of finding something to eat when his clothes were all safely out of his bag and installed in the room's wardrobe.

He hadn't been looking forward to the party, not really, and as it had been going for a while when he finally walked in it was even stranger. He knew he was meant to start bonding with these people, but at the same time, they were competition and the cameras were circling. Everyone was practically throwing themselves at the cameras. He knew he had a competition to win, but he didn't have that kind of energy right now.

Instead he found some food and ended up sitting with a group of older contestants. The cameras found him there and he fed them some line about resting his voice for the tasks, chatting a while about how excited he was to be here and how he was hoping to do his best, as well as a little about how lovely it was to see Blaine again after all this time.

The interview was interrupted by Justin who seemed to be feeling a little more confident in himself today, bouncing up and giving Kurt a hug, which made Kurt laugh, then dragging him out on to the floor to dance.

He'd worked a closing the night before and had to deal with an hour of Sandy Ryerson so he wasn't really up for dancing, but Justin seemed too enthusiastic to say no to, so he let himself be dragged out into the crowd, dancing with Justin, and then the group of girls Justin had apparently gathered around himself: Chloe, Claire and Ruth.

Through Ruth he met Candy, her room-mate, in whom he found a kindred spirit for his love of fashion. After Justin was suitably distracted, he found a seat at the side of the dance floor with her and spent the rest of the time with her until it was socially acceptable to go to bed, heads bent together critiquing the clothing choices of the other contestants.

He went to bed at 11:30 in the end, glad for his single and more then glad to be able to curl up under the covers and shut out the world for a few hours to get some rest for tomorrow.

~*~*~*~

He met Justin again in breakfast that morning. The poor boy was looking exhausted, and Kurt laughed at him before fetching him a coffee, which Justin drank with a wrinkled nose, explaining that his mother never let him have it.

Kurt himself had been up for hours before breakfast, styling himself and generally getting himself ready for the public, so he didn't mind thinking himself superior as some of the others came in looking like the party hadn't ended for them, a few of them literally still in the clothes they'd been wearing the night before.

There were already guys wandering around with cameras so he was glad he’d taken the extra effort of getting ready before coffee. He did NOT want to end up on the nation’s TVs looking less than perfect, after all.

The others drifted in a few at a time. Candy, his fashion friend, came in wearing something that could have just came off the runway, and looking absolutely wonderful in it. He couldn’t help but grin at that, glad to have found a kindred spirit in all this mess.

At eleven they were rounded up outside on the grass to wait for the judges. Justin, who had been following Kurt like a lost puppy, sat down on the grass for a while until they were shouted at to all stand up and look enthusiastic for more long camera shots. The cameras made their way through the crowds asking them just how nervous they were.

Kurt was glad they didn’t come over to him. It was strange, but it felt almost like being back in high school, though that was probably just him. There were already cliques forming, for example. Groups hugging like old friends and couples making out, it was all a little depressing. And here he was, alone in the middle of it, just like high school. And just like high school, he was doing his best to pretend he wasn’t nervous. That for him, this was just another day, but his heart was racing and he was sure all those little things that always gave him away were giving him away now.

The approach of the judges was announced and Justin moved closer, gripping his arm. Kurt reached over and squeezed the boy’s hand tightly, hoping that his false confidence would help Justin at least.

Then they arrived, and with the crowd shouting and jumping, Kurt was glad the contestants were kind of at the back edge of this mess because there was no way he was risking his hair or his voice with behaviour like that. He hadn’t come this far to be send back on the first task.

“We have the first task for you.” Simon said, and Kurt gripped Justin a little tighter. Justin clung to him in return. “We’re going to split you into groups to see who can really shine out. Each group’s going to be given a song to perform from Lady Gaga’s first album, and you’ve all got to sing a solo.”

Their cue went and there was cheering, then the smiling judges were retreating again and Kurt was left wondering if there was a god because, well, he could DO Gaga.

Justin was looking apprehensive beside him so he laughed and told the story about singing Bad Romance in high school, with the outfits, which seemed to loosen him up a bit. Candy laughed at him too, and then asked if the heels had been atrocious to walk in. He confirmed they were. Not that his had been genuine, of course, but the same principle applied.

Keeping an eye on the groups, Kurt noticed they were just sorting people who stayed together, so he stuck to Justin and Candy. He knew he’d still have to work with people he didn’t know but these two, at least, seemed like they might take his ideas. After all, they HAD to get this right.

The crowd was being herded through officials who counted them off in rights and give them their songs. Kurt’s group was one of the last and it was Kurt himself who was handed the envelope with their song.

Brown eyes.

He handed it around as they settled themselves on a patch of grass away from the others, watching as all their eyes widened at it, seemed it wasn’t what any of them had been expecting. Kurt himself had been hoping for something in one of her bigger hits, Bad Romance would have been ideal but, this was what he had and he was going to work it.

“Ok,” he said, when the paper made its way back to him. “Shall we introduce ourselves first? I’m Kurt.”

“Justin,” Just said, hanging his head a little.

“Moxie,” said the girl beside him, looking odd in her bright pink sundress and black hair with red highlights and a lip piercing.

“Charles,” the older man next to her said. He was wearing a polo shirt and looking around the group uncertainly. The rest of them were young and Kurt, who could see how uncomfortable that made him, smiled at him encouragingly.

“I’m Chantelle,” the next girl said. She was black and wore it like a gangster, so much that it had taken Kurt a few minutes to place her gender when he first saw her, though now as she leant back on the grass he could see the outlines of her breasts through her shirt. She caught him looking and winked and he blushed.

“Dominic,” the boy next to her said. He seemed clean cut, wearing a suit with his hair slicked back, and it occurred to Kurt that he was probably trying to look like Blaine did on the cover of his second album. It was still surreal to him that teenagers tried to dress like the boy who gave Kurt his first kiss that counted.

“I’m Amy and, if you don’t mind me saying so, I’m so excited to be working with you all,” the girl next in the circle enthused with a bubbly attitude that almost reminded him of one Rachel Berry. It might just be seeing Blaine but everything seemed to be reminding him of high school these days.

“I’m Candy,” Candy finished, drawing herself up and speaking calmly as if to distance herself from Amy.

“That’s great,” Kurt said, smiling at them. “Ok, I think it’s best if we break the song down into parts first, then we can figure out whose voice works with what part. Does that make sense?”

The nodded with varying levels of enthusiasm and Kurt smiled. He would work this.

~*~*~*~

“Oh, bitch, you did NOT just say that,” Chantelle was saying, and Kurt almost wanted to scream. Splitting the song into parts had been easy, and then egos had moved into play. The cameras had come over as soon as they realised that Chantelle and Amy were NOT going to back down from that part which, frankly, wouldn’t be best for either of them.

“I’m only telling you the truth when I say your vocal range is simply not as impressive as mine.”

“Vocal range my ass, I’ve got twice the talent you have.”

Justin was looking watery eyes and hiding behind Candy, who was just looking bored with the whole affair. Charles had made a half-hearted attempt to intervene early on but was no stood to the side biting his lip and Moxie and Dominic were sat a little way away, making eyes at each other.

Which left Kurt to step up. He was so out of experience for this.

“Ladies,” he said, loudly, stepped up between them. “Can you talk about this sensibly? Amy, you do have wonderful range, we definitely need to make use of that, we need to find a part that’ll really let you exercise your voice. And Chantelle, it’s true, from what you’ve sung for us your range isn’t as broad but you have amazing attitude and we can definitely use that.”

“Who died and made you head bitch in charge?” Chantelle snapped, rounding on him.

“No one, but either you two can scream and pull each other’s hair out and we all go home or you can act like sane humans and we get through.”

“But she...” Amy started, but the Rachel type was something you never forgot how to handle.

“It doesn’t matter now,” he interrupted. “The important thing is to focus on what’s coming next.”

Chantelle was glaring at him and Amy was wavering as it weighing up if this would be an appropriate moment for a dramatic burst of tears and a storming out, but he definitely didn’t want it to get to that stage.

“This song, it’s going to work for us all. Trust me, I sang in a acapella choir for a while, I know a thing or two about different vocal types.”

“You’ll be telling us it was the Warblers next,” Dominic, the Blaine copy, said while rolling his eyes.

“I’m not arguing,” Kurt said, though he wanted to. One of the things he’d actually learnt from sheets and things, though, was that going into full bitch mode rarely diffused a situation, but careful grovelling did. “How good each of us looks is going to depend on the song overall. If the song sucks, it won’t matter if one of us shines, we’ll be the group who couldn’t even put a song together.”

“I agree with Kurt,” Candy said, in the bored tone she’d been using for the proceedings. “Let’s just get this started, I’m certainly not planning on going home tonight.”

“Me neither,” said Justin, biting his lip as soon as he did as though he wasn’t sure he should have spoken up.

“Fine,” Chantelle snapped, finally. “Show us what you’ve got.”

“Ok,” Kurt said, taking a deep breath. “I think, for the best arrangement, this is what we’re going to need.”

~*~*~*~

By the time they get back stage Moxie and Dominic have made out twice, Charles has proved to have a very versatile voice (almost enough to make Kurt jealous) and, after one more fit of hair pulling, Chantelle and Amy had become strange kind of friends and taken to talking about how much fun they were going to have together at the judges’ house.

Kurt is much more nervous than he was the first time. The first time it was down to him to shine up there alone on the stage. This time it wasn’t just him; it was this stupid crazy bunch of people, and if he couldn’t pull this off, it wasn’t going to be just his dreams that ended here and, well, he’d kind of started to think of Justin as the little brother he never had.

Now, all he could do was trust these people and they really didn’t make him happy.

They waited for their cue then moved on to the stage in a line, and Kurt’s heart skipped again when he saw Blaine. He wondered if it was ever going to stop doing that.

Simon asked a few questions, what they thought of the song and how they decided to sing which part. Kurt answered by talking about vocal selection and downplaying the drama, though by the way they glanced at each other he was sure they’d heard all about the excitement already.

Then with a final encouraging smile from Blaine the music was starting.

“In your brown eyes, I walked away,” Moxie started the lyrics, her voice oddly soft and soulful for her look.

“In your brown eyes, I couldn’t stay,” Candy came in, she sang a little high and with a little fiercer then the line called for but it was still good.

“In your brown eyes, You’ll watch her go,” Charles crooned, Kurt had given him that line not just because Charles sang it well but as an older man he delivered it with a kind of wisdom.

“Then turn the record on and wonder what went wrong. What went wrong,” Amy sang, emoting far too much and taking it a little too high, but he’d expected it of her and since this was the emotional centre point of the song, well, it could be worse.

Then the backing vocals kicked in, just as Kurt had planned. Moxie, Candy and Amy picking up the melody and carrying it as he’d learnt back with the Warblers. It was only some simply vocalising but it felt right.

“If everything was everything but everything is over,” Dominic crooned, his eyes fixed on Blaine, and Kurt felt a surge of jealousy in his stomach.

“Everything could be everything if only we were older,” Chantelle sang, putting some genuine anger and upset into the ‘if only we were older’ part of the line.

“I guess it’s just a silly song about you,” Justin sang, his voice soft and sad with great depth, and Kurt couldn’t help but smile as Justin cast the same sad, soulful eyes that he’d been focused on Kurt so much over the judges.

“And how I lost you,” Justin and Kurt sang together, Kurt coming in gently behind Justin, then Justin dropped away and left him alone.

“And your brown eyes.” Kurt sang, keeping it soft and low unlike the soaring of his audition, like the song should be. “And your brown eyes.”

The harmonising slowly stopped, and Blaine was smiling a little smile at him and even Simon looked a little impressed. Kurt didn’t even dare to look at Lady Gaga because all the times he’d sung every song of hers in school, in the shower, in front of his mirror, he’d never imagined for a second that he might get to sing it in front of her.

Then they were off the stage and he wanted to collapse.

~*~*~*~

They went back the next day for the results, so Kurt spent the evening worrying and getting upset and doing his best not to show it. The group, not apparently united in their worry at least, gathered in his single room and talked. Justin told them about his Mom, Charles told them about his wife, Chantelle talked about how her mother had a problem with how she dressed and how it had driven a wedge between them.

Kurt just listened.

~*~*~*~

He didn’t sleep well that night, even after he kicked the rest of the group out of his room, so when they were shown on to the stage he was already feeling less than his best. The judges were waiting, and he knew some of them would be going home and he hoped so much it wasn’t him. He didn’t want to have to go home now, knowing he was good but that, now, he just wasn’t good enough.

“Hey, guys,” Lady Gaga said, smiling around at them. “Thank you for singing for us, we really enjoyed your song, but I’m afraid it’s time for the results.”

Justin reached out and clutched his hand and Kurt squeezed back in what he hoped was a reassuring, adult sort of way.

“Justin, can you step forward.”

Justin did, then swallowed.

“Justin, we saw a lot in you at the audition, but in this task you’ve faded a little. We all felt that you sunk into the background a little,” and Justin’s biting his lip and Kurt just knows that if Justin goes, he’s going to end up crying. “You need to stand up more, don’t hide behind other people, because we’ve seen you sing and we know you have a lot to give and, because of that, you’re staying.”

Justin squealed and then turned; throwing his arms around Kurt and Kurt hugged him back, tightly.

“The rest of you,” Lady Gaga said, and Kurt felt his stomach twist. Surely, surely not all the rest of them were going home? How was he going to be able to go back to Sheets and Things knowing that he’d had this chance and blown it?

“We loved your performance, you’re all through.”

It took a second to sink in, during which Candy launched herself around his neck, and then he’s laughing and clinging to Justin with one arm and Candy with the other and they’re spilling off the stage and it’s all ok, they got through!

~*~*~*~

When they meet later to get the next task, Kurt is still riding on the high of getting through and can’t even make himself feel nervous. Not even the idea of performing in front of a real audience could bring him down, and the idea of taking a song and making it his own made him very happy indeed.

Justin seemed less certain, but Kurt just grinned and hugged him around the shoulders. Just one more step and he’d be at the judges’ house.


	6. Boot camp part 2

**Boot camp part 2**

When Kurt actually received the list, reality started to set back in, and as Justin gained confidence, skimming the list and enthusing about how many of these songs he was excited to sing, Kurt felt his confidence drop.

So far, he’d sung a song he’d known since high school and one line of a song by his favourite artist over. But this, this was going to be different. He couldn’t sing a song he knew, and he didn’t want to do something like what he’d done before.

Then there was the further problem of making the song his own.

They had three days, but because they all needed access to musicians to work through how they wanted to do their songs, it was in effect just a long wait. Justin was one of the first ones into the room, and so made it through on the initial adrenaline rush he’d had when he’d seen the list. He now seemed happy to just spend the rest of the time with the other contestants, hanging out.

Kurt was glad to see his name near the end of the list, giving him the time to panic before he had to finalise anything. It took him an entire day to pick a song that was both suitable for his range and could work with to bring something unique.

Then he spent his time practicing and running scales. He wasn’t going to go out now. When he passed this, he was going to call Carole and tell her he was through. He wasn’t going to come this far and not even get to the judges’ house; he wouldn’t be able to stand it.

He took a little longer with the guy taking care of the music than anyone else did, which he took as a good sign.

He ate his meals with Candy, Justin and whoever else Justin had befriended that day. Kurt was a little touched, in all honesty, that though Justin seemed to find it easy to make friends with just about everyone there he drifted back every meal time to sit at Kurt’s table.

~*~*~*~

He had a feeling that walking out on to the stage was never going to be easy. He was glad he’d skipped breakfast that morning because he was worried the churning in his stomach might mean the meal making a return visit.

Justin had been up early and Kurt had watched him from the wings and been there to hug him when he came off. The judges weren’t really chatting today, just looking vaguely disapprovingly at everyone and writing notes, so there wasn’t even the comfort of a short conversation to get him into the mood. It was just the stage, a second to say his song, and then he’d be singing.

In the end he’d picked Rumour Has It by Adele. It was less to the bone than the songs he’d been singing so far, but he didn’t pick it for his ability to connect to the lyrics, but more for his ability to sing it fierce, something he hadn’t really been able to do so far.

It didn’t occur to him until he started singing that doing something other than what they were expecting of him at this point in the competition might not have been the best idea, but he didn’t want them to think he couldn’t pull this off either.

People stood and danced as he sung, clapping and cheering, but the judges just kept to their note taking, as they had with the other contestants. Not even Blaine looked up to meet his eyes and he knew he should have expected it but his heart broke a little bit.

Which was good, as he put that straight back into the song. He always sang fierce best when he was genuinely angry, or genuinely hurt.

When he finished the song he bowed, then turned and walked quickly off the stage. Justin and Candy were waiting to hug him, Justin looking a little lost and Candy with her hair styled up so high it made him feel short to stand next to her.

He didn’t cry, but suddenly he wanted to, and that scared him a little.

~*~*~*~

That night, everyone in the house repacked their suitcases. Either way, they were all leaving the next day. Some people were already crying, mostly the people whose solos had gone so horribly bad that they KNEW they were going to be out.

Kurt packed as quickly and efficiently as he’d unpacked, then went to hang out in Justin’s room as the boy tore through his possessions, trying to cram them back into his bag. It took about fifteen minutes of this for Kurt to take over, folding things and reordering them as the girls who’d gathered in Justin’s room chattered to him. It was strangely intimate for someone Kurt hardly knew, but as he stood there packing he wished a little that Justin would get through too. Then at least he’d know he’d have one ally in the judges house.

If he got through.

Candy showed up after a while with half a bottle of wine and they sat drinking it while Justin tried to organise his girls into an impromptu performance of Kate Perry’s Firework which he wouldn’t have found half as adorable if it didn’t remind him of Blaine in their high school days.

When he finally got to bed that evening, as he drifted off to sleep he thought about Blaine. He thought about how simple things had been back then, and how complicated everything seemed now. It was just growing up and he knew it, but it still hurt.

If he was out tomorrow, he might never speak to Blaine again, and that scared him.

~*~*~*~

When they arrived at the arena they were split into their categories for the first time. Kurt said goodbye to Candy with a kiss on the cheek and followed Justin over to the men. It was strange to realise that he didn’t particularly have any friends here. The girls, well, between himself and Justin they had a few friends there but, well, Kurt had always felt more at ease with the girls.

Dominic, who’d been in their group for the group task, waved at them, but it was clearly just a polite wave and not an invitation. They ended up sitting alone together, and Kurt told Justin some of the bad customer stories he had to try and keep them both calm.

The over 30’s were taken up first. Then the groups. They were called up after that, and Kurt felt himself tense as he walked onto the stage beside the other guys.

But, somehow, walking out like this was better than walking out alone. Partly because he was with others, partly because he knew it was too late now. Judgement had been passed.

They were positioned on the stage and had to stand there while the cameras continued to take pictures.

Then the judges started talking and the bottom dropped out of his stomach.

“Ok, going through to the judges houses we have,” L.A. said, pausing dramatically and looking at them as though he was waiting for some of them to crack and run out screaming. Kurt met Blaine’s eyes for a second, but looked away and closed his own eyes before he could think about it. He didn’t need to see the look in Blaine’s eyes right now.

“Justin Wolf,” And Justin let out a loud yell of joy that Kurt couldn’t help smiling at. “D.J Helfron, Steven Isaac, Montgomery Leech, Hero Okazaki, James Lopez, Matt Brown and, finally...”

The silence stretches and Kurt thinks he’s going to cry because, well, he’d never thought at the start that he might get this far, but now, to be sent home now, it just wasn’t fair. The audience had loved him; he knew he had so much more to give.

“Kurt Hummel.”

And he might have just screamed a little bit but wouldn’t anyone? He was through, they couldn’t take this away from him now. He was going to a judges house and he was through.

They were shown off the stage and he hugged Justin, partially to show how happy he was for the other boy and partially just because he needed to hug someone right then, he could hardly believe it. He’d not wanted to let himself hope but, after everything, he was finally through.

They were shown down and into a side room where the rest of the people going through were waiting, but Kurt didn’t have time for that. He took his phone out of his pocket, found a quiet corner and dialled.

Carole picked up on the third ring.

“Hello,” she said, and she sounded distracted, like Kurt had caught her in the middle of something.

“Hey, Carole,” he said, trying for casual though he knew there was no hope.

“Hey, Kurt. Has something happened? You’re sounding happy.”

“Yeah, something’s happened.” He said, softly. “Carole, there’s something I need to tell you. See, this year I auditioned for the X-factor.”

“You did?” Carole said, clearly surprised. “I thought you said you were too out of practice?”

“I did, but some people from work put me forward but, anyway, that doesn’t matter. I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone if I didn’t go through but, Carole, I did it! This was the last day of boot camp, I’m through to the judges house!”

“Oh, really?” Carole said, “Kurt’s that...that’s fantastic!”

“I know.”

“You should have told me earlier.”

“I didn’t want to embarrass myself but, well, it’s such an achievement to get through this far that, well, even if I fail now I can say I’ve done something special.”

“Oh Kurt, you’ve done so many special things...but this, I hope you get it honey, you deserve to sing again.”

“Thanks,” Kurt said, and found that there were tears in his eyes again. He wiped them away quickly. “If I get you tickets, can you come and watch some of the live shows, if I get through the judges house?”

“Kurt, I would not miss them for the world.”

“Thank you,” Kurt said, smiling. He thought she would but, still, it was nice to know that she was going to be there to watch him now. “The girls will be coming through soon, I need to go. I’ll talk to you again soon.”

“Ok, Kurt. You take care now.”

“I will. Thank you, Carole.”

~*~*~*~

Candy didn’t get through, which put something of a dampener on the rest of the day for him. One of Justin’s friends got through and proceeded to cry on him, but he stuck close to Kurt, mostly, looking at the other guy suspiciously.

Most of them seemed to be in a position now where they’d just lost the friends they’d made so far. Kurt was kind of glad that Justin was still with him.

They were taken back to the hotel for one last time and shown into rooms in their groups to wait for their judge, and for the first time all the boys were alone together and Kurt got a proper look.

He didn’t recognise any of them really, but he hadn’t really seen anyone perform yet other then Justin. Steven and Montgomery seemed to know each other, they both looked like crooners in how they dressed and wore their hair and they sat down together away from the others. James and Matt came over to say hi, Matt was Black and wore a bright orange suit which Kurt kind of wanted to burn, but he seemed kind enough, as did James even though he wore plaid. D.J. was a white boy rapper type and kind of reminded Kurt of Artie only without the horrible sweater vests, and Hero just sat quietly in a corner and refused to speak, which made it awkward.

They all speculated for a while about who their judge would be. Kurt was hoping for Lady Gaga, though L.A. would be good too. He didn’t want Simon and, though most of the others seemed to want it, he didn’t want Blaine. He was pretty sure they wouldn’t get him either. After all, the crew knew about their history.

Of course, when the door opened about an hour after they’d been shown into the room, the judge to greet them with handshakes and hugs and pats on the back and a long speech about how much he was looking forward to working with every one of them, was Blaine Anderson.

Kurt noticed that Blaine wouldn’t quite meet his eye, focusing instead on the other contestants.

This was bad.


	7. The judges house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to life we only have one chapter this week and it hasn't been beta read (and I'm still not employed) but it is 4800 words and I'll do better next week. The judges house stage, Kurt and Justin talk about the final 4 from the boys are picked.

Welcome to the X-factor. After months of auditions, 32 acts remain. Tonight they’re going to be jetting off around the world to fight for their place in the live finals. So the remaining 32 acts are making their way to the airport to fly out and be reunited with their mentor. Each category is jetting off to a glamorous location. The groups are going to Rome with Simon, the over 30’s are going to Buenos Aires with L.A, the girls are going to Venice with Lady Gaga and the boys are going to London with Blaine. Out of the 32, only 16 will make it through to the live final.

~*~*~*~

London had been one of the things in Kurt’s life plan, back when he had a life plan. It was the same dream that had seen him staring on the Broadway stage with people fighting over him to take all of the great Broadway male leads. He’d imagined a chic little flat in London where he could stay for London fashion week, something understated but in a fashionable area that screamed sophistication. He’d put together a collage of what he thought it should be in his dream scrap book, which he still had packed away somewhere, probably in the box in the bottom of his wardrobe with his other high school memories.

Of course, the truth of it was that he’d never made it on Broadway, he lived in a rented flat in a bad area in Lima and the only time he’d been in an airplane was for New Directions trip to New York for nationals.

Coming home from boot camp had been strange. First there was Carole who came around wanting to know every details of the audition so far and clearly a little hurt that Kurt hadn’t taken her with him up to this point. It had been strange and comforting to have her rattling around his kitchen trying to make them dinner, questioning him about every little aspect of this and how he felt about it, including how it felt to see Blaine after so long which he’d dodged.

He’d told her he was going to the judges house in London (and seriously, why did Blaine have a house in London) and they’d chatted about that, Carole fussing about what he’d need to pack.

He’d waited until the scheduled staff meeting that Friday to tell everyone at work. Tod and Andrea, the ones who had originally put him forward for audition as a joke, looked suitably shocked that he was going to get through to the judges house. Nicola described his audition in great detail when he refused to and suddenly it seemed they all wanted to be his best friend, talking about how they entered him because they believed in him.

Kurt just smiled and mentally compiled a list of the places he wanted to shop when he got to London. Window shopping only, of course, but he could dream. He already knew that if he won this, the first thing he’d do would be a shopping spree.

Though he tried not to let himself think about it.

When they’d left boot camp he’d given Justin his telephone number, so he wasn’t surprised to receive a few phone calls from the boy during the wait to go to the judges houses. A few of the phone calls were panicked, doubting his ability as a singer or, on one memorable occasion at three in the morning worrying that his mother wouldn’t be able to cope without him for a month.

It reminded Kurt why he didn’t want children. He’d never been one of nature’s caretakers, not over long periods of time, he tended to go in for short term comfort then distraction, and that had always worked for him before. It was one of the reasons why, after a while, his girlfriends stopped coming to him with their boy problems. His response had invariably been a box of tissues, a DVD and a cuddle then never speaking of it again.

He spoke with Justin’s mom a couple of times too, reassuring her that he’d keep an eye on Justin at the judges house. He kind of liked talking to her, in an odd way. It reminded him of how his dad would have acted if, at that age, he’d been invited on his own to fly around the world for a singing competition. He didn’t mind reassuring her that he’d bring her baby back nice and safe and make sure he had someone to talk to out there.

Packing was a challenge between Carole trying to help, Nicola trying to help and Tod, who seemed to think that Kurt getting through to the judges house was going to re-establish their friendship, giving him talks full of the worst advice ever.

He met Justin at the airport, and for the first time he met Justin’s mom. She seemed nice, though harried, and gave him a dry kiss on his cheek when handing Justin over.

A hop to Washington and the camera crew met them, filing a short segment of them chatting about their hopes and dreams and checking in for their flight, and then they were settled in for the long haul.

It was about half way through the flight with Justin shoring quietly beside him that Kurt realised he was going to see Blaine again, for real, after all this time. Not for a few seconds from a stage but in a house together and they were going to talk, in front of the cameras at least.

He spent the rest of the flight feeling sick.

~*~*~*~

Kurt was surprised by the house, though he knew it probably wasn’t really Blaine’s. It was massive, plenty for space for the eight of them to have a room each. They turned up over 24 hours, Kurt and Justin being the second lot to arrive, with only Hero already there. He’d claimed the smallest room, oddly, and took one look at them before heading upstairs and locking the door.

As per his mothers request, Kurt took the room next to Justin which was nice enough, though not exactly what he would have picked for himself. It wasn’t like he would be here long, one week and most of that time would be reversal and Blaine wouldn’t even be here.

Justin was eager to get out and explore, but Kurt was kind of exhausted from the flight and the strange knot that had been in his stomach for most of it so they spent the first night in London watching a movie on the TV, the others joining them as they drifted in.

Day two was hectic, they were dragged out into the city and around the house and made to pose meaningfully in strategic locations like they were contemplating the meaning of life. It took about five hours and Kurt was appalled on getting back to find that he had first reversal and so had to spend an hour singing while the other rested up.

It was, oddly, calmer after that. They fell into groups quickly. Hero didn’t want to interact with anyone but Kurt had heard him singing through the studio door and he sounded like an angel. Steven had apparently fallen out with Montgomery and was on a charm offensive, trying to befriend everyone in the house while Montgomery integrated himself with Matt. James, it quickly transpired, was the kind of laid back guy who had no strong allegiance to anyone and Justin clung to Kurt’s coat tails like he thought Kurt was his mother so Steven ended up with D.J., which turned out to be the worst thing for everyone.

The trouble started on the third night, after a day of rehearsals. It a stupid little thing, a prank god pulled on James, who took it with his usual good grace, but by the evening of the fifth day it had escalated to terrible levels and the pranks had turned cruel. The jokes had morphed into rumours, and the worst part was some of them were true.

Or, at least one. Kurt heard it whispered about him that he used to date Blaine (true) and he was probably only here because of that (not true, or at least he hoped, though Blaine had always loved Kurt’s voice). There was also a rumour that Hero had a criminal record, though what for exactly seemed to change every time someone talked about it, that Montgomery was a gang member (nobody really believe that, but they said you could never tell), that James was a paedophile (which he shrugged off with good grace, but that only seemed to make it worse) and a thousand other things besides. The atmosphere in the house turned toxic pretty quickly.

The last straw, for Kurt, was hearing it whispered that he was sleeping with Justin. Because, no. All he’d heard said about him to that point was comments on how gay he was (and he knew he was pretty fabulous) and the thing about him and Blaine, which did at least contain some truth. But Justin, Justin has done nothing to be dragged in to this.

When he heard that he went and locked himself in his room, ignoring the call for dinner and not answering when Justin came knocking on the door.

It was grinding and disheartening. He’d known from the start that this competition was going to be harder for him, but he’d never really expected to get this far. Eight guys, out of all that had auditioned, and he was here. Could it be because of Blaine? Up until now there had been panels, but for this round it would all be down to Blaine, could he really say that he didn’t think Blaine would let their past relationship influence what he thought?

He could cope with what he was and who he had been dragging him down, but now it was spreading.

The sixth day, the last day before Blaine arrived, Kurt spent the morning in London. He was supposable filming a short segment about his goals. He said all the usual things about his dreams, how he’d always wanted to sing and how this would mean the world to him, willing it not to be true.

All the while he kept envisioning the look Tod would give him if he went back to work after losing this.

He managed to get away from the film crew for the afternoon since he didn’t have any more rehearsal scheduled until the evening. He spent a good amount of time browsing around Harrods in the city centre, a small tick on his bucket list, and went back to the house in the evening with the knot in his stomach eased slightly by fabulous clothing.

Until he walked through the door and James gave him a worried look.

“Right, I’ve had enough,” he snapped, rounding and walking into the living room where people tended to congregate at this hour. James trailed after him. Steven and D.J. were already in there, deep in conversation with Matt, who gave them an odd look as they came in.

“Where are Montgomery and Justin?” Kurt asked, looking around. They stared back at him for a second before Matt replied.

“Montgomery’s in the shower, we thought Justin was with you?”

“You mean he’s not in the house?” Kurt asked, his pulse speeding up. “Where did he go? I’ve been alone all day.”

“He told the film crew he was meeting you after the filmed his segment,” James replied, and Kurt kind of wanted to punch him then as he’d promised that boy’s mother he’d look after him. “I guess not?”

“I’ve not seen him, or herd from him,” Kurt confirmed. “But, look, before we go anywhere else I’m sick of all these rumours. Four of us are going to be stuck with each other for a while and it might not be me but we’re meant to be adults so I’m sure we can get past this stupid gossip.”

“I don’t know what you’re...” Steve started, but Kurt cut him off.

“For the record, the things I’ve heard about me are I used to sleep with Blaine, that I slept my way to this stage of the competition and that I’m sleeping with Justin. To make it perfectly clear, I did used to date Blaine but the last time we saw each other was about seven years ago now. I don’t know if Blaine’s letting those feeling he had for me all that time ago influence how he’s voting because I can’t see into Blaine’s head, but he’s one of the fairest people I’ve ever met so I don’t think they are. And as for Justin, he’s a kid! Of course I’m not sleeping with him!”

“But you slept with Blaine?” Steven asked, and there was a strange look in his eye that Kurt didn’t like.

“That’s really none of your business. We were teenagers, we were in love, it ended. Did none of you have teenage loves? Look, you want to sit here and gossip about people behind each other’s hands you can, I’m going to go and try to find Justin.”

“I thought you weren’t sleeping with him,” Steven said, a malicious smile on his face.

“I’m not,” Kurt said coldly. “But he is a friend, and he’d out there alone so I’m going to go and find him.”

Before they could say anything else Kurt turned and marched out of the room. He went and found the production crew first, who seemed surprised to see him without Justin. They told him where they’d left him, though that would probably do no good, and shrugged their shoulders.

He tried phoning him next, but his phone went straight to voice mail. A quick search of his room turned up nothing but a well thumbed copy of vogue with a few pages marked which made Kurt smile.

And also gave him a few idea.

When he got back to the front door James was waiting with a sad smile. They exchanged phone number and set off, Kurt explaining his theories as they headed to the nearest tube station. Navigating the underground turned out to be a bit of a revelation to Kurt, though James who love din New York seemed a lot more at home with it.

Once they were in the centre of London he dispatched James to Harrods on the off chance and set off to Mayfair.

As Vogue had suggested to him, Justin was stood outside the Marc Jacobs, staring up at the things in the window. Kurt smiled, fired of a text to James agreeing to meet back at the house and walked over to Justin.

“Hey,” he said, softly. Justin turned to face him, looking a little stunned.

“”How...how did you find me?” he asked, then bit his lip a little. Kurt signed and then moved to stand behind him, looking up at the display.

“You left Vogue open, I’m normally a big Marc fan but I don’t think much of this season, it’s not really pushing the way he used to do, it’s almost as though he’d playing it safe.”

“Kurt...”

“Why did you go off without telling anyone? They’re worried.”

“They’re not,” Justin said, looking down at his shoes.

“I was,” Kurt replied, simply, reaching out and putting an arm around Justin’s shoulder. “Now why.”

“I just, I wanted a little space to think.”

“What were you thinking about?” Kurt asked, glad that the cameras hadn’t trailed them. He’d have normally counted on that to do that but it was pretty close to dinner time and their main camera man, Bob, he kind of loved his food more than anything.

“I just...”

“Were you upset about the things they were saying?” Kurt asked. “The rumours?”

“A little,” Justin admitted, nodding. “They just...they scared me a bit. I mean, I don’t know how they knew I was gay. I mean, I never told anyone and I thought it wasn’t that obvious but I guess it was since they all seem to know.”

For a second Kurt just stood and blinked because, yes, his gaydar had never been anything to write home about but he’d never have thought of Justin as gay, but here he was, apparently the first person this boy had ever come out too, and for a second it made his heart ache.

“They don’t know, Justin. I didn’t.”

“Then why did they say...”

“They know I am, because I’m too fabulous to hide,” Kurt said with a little laugh, “What they’re doing right now is playing dirty, they’re trying to throw you off because when Blaine showed up tomorrow they want us to be easy to beat.

“But, why say that?” Justin asked. Kurt just sighed and shrugged.

“Because they thought it would hurt us both,” Kurt said, softly. “You because if you were straight you’d be offended, as you’re not you’re still upset they worked you out. Me because of the implication that I’d date someone your age. Two birds, one stone.”

“How do you do it?” Justin breathed, “How do you, I don’t know, how do you stand up to them like that and be gay.”

Kurt laughed, bitterly, his mind suddenly full of kind words and hand holding and soft smiles.

“I...it was hard. I was bullied a lot at your age for being gay and, to be honest, I still take rubbish for it now. The thing is, for me, pretending to be straight was always worse then what anyone could do to me, because at least they were hating me for what I was instead of what I wasn’t. And I had some wonderful friends.”

“Was Blaine one of those friends?” Justin asked, and then blushed again quickly as it embarrassed of believing the rumour.

“Actually, that’s the only rumour you’ve heard that you should believe.” Kurt said, softly. “Blaine was my high school sweetheart. He gave me some really bad advice but he also danced with me at prom after the school voted me prom queen to show how much they hated me and he change schools so I wouldn’t have to be alone in mine and he...he was wonderful. I’m sure if you tell the people who love you they’ll help you. Your mom, she seems rushed but she does love you so much, let her be there for you.”

“But it’s so hard,” Justin breathed. “What if she...”

“She won’t,” he said, softly. “Maybe I’m not an expert, and maybe it won’t be easy for her, but she does love you. If she loves you, she’ll stick with you. Hell, my dad owned a garage and shaved his head and he fought tooth and nail for me to be able to be proud of who I am. Give your mom the chance to do that too.”

For a second they stood there in silence, Kurt’s arm still loosely around Justin’s shoulders. Kurt thought about his dad, about the smiles, the hugs, the way he never felt entirely complete without his dad there to tell him that he loved him.

“Kurt, are you sure you wouldn’t date someone my age?” Just asked, and he sounded do small and hurt that for a second it broke Kurt’s heart.

“Oh honey, you can do so much better than me,” he said, softly. “Even if there wasn’t the age thing, you’ve got so much going for you, you’re going to be something amazing. Plus, I think your mom would kill me.”

For a second there was silence, then Justin laughed, an almost tender laugh, and turned and hugged Kurt.

“Thanks. Just, for talking. Thank you.”

“Any time,” Kurt replied, squeezing him gently. “And I mean that, any time at all, even after this stupid competition. You need to talk about anything, I’m your man.”

“Kind of like a gay mentor?”

“I guess,” Kurt said, “Though I wouldn’t follow me example in everything. Though I can tell you these boots are awful,” he said, gesturing at the window. Justin laughed a little and they finally stepped away from each other.

“Come on, let’s get you back to the house before they worry.”

When they got back the house was already silent, everyone in their own rooms. They made grilled cheese though Kurt complained about what it would do to his skin and read the copy of British vogue they’d picked up in the train station together and Kurt felt at peace.

~*~*~*~

At midday they were all shown into the living room and cameras were set up around them for the judge entering the house. Kurt saw the shifting allegiances in the way Steven stood alone and Montgomery seemed to be stood with D.J.. Hero was still, predictably, stood on his own, and Kurt stood with Justin.

Blaine entering was quite what everyone had been expecting, their guest judge was Michael Buble which Kurt found oddly adorable.

They were free to do what they wanted until they were called so Kurt spent the time doing some singing exercises well away from the living room, leaving D.J and Montgomery to crouch by the door listening to what they could of the auditions.

He was next to last, and sand a version of “London Rain” by Heather Nova only with a slowed down chorus and more soul.

He knew it was a little too forward but he couldn’t help but sing some of it too Blaine. He remembered listening to it not long after their first time, skipping back and listning to the line “Keep me in your bed all day, nothing heals me like you do” in loop, and here in London, with the reliable rain outside as a backing to the song and all the memories that his talk with Justin had brought up, it just seemed to fit.”

“When I’m hone curled in your arms and I’m safe again, I’ll close my eyes and I’ll sleep, sleep, to the sound of London Rain.

~*~*~*~

Kurt woke through the night with the sudden realisation in his mind that Blaine was asleep in the same house. It took him over an hour to go back to sleep.

~*~*~*~

From eleven on the last day they were pulled into the living room for their talk. They waited together in the kitchen. Hero was the first up and when he left the room he didn’t speak, just walked past them. It took someone from the production crew to tell them he didn’t get through.

Steven came out with a smirk on his face and a pass through to the live shows that made Kurt want to hit him.

Montgomery was going home.

James went through hand stopped to chat to them about it, not just smirk like Steven had done. He stopped and shook hands with them and said some nice things to Justin, who was by now twisting a napkin he’d found in a drawer between his hands to try and calm down.

Then they called Kurt in.

He went reluctantly, and as he walked into the room he was glad to see that the tension Blaine seemed to be carrying when he’d found out he was taking the boys had eased, he stood up and hugged him before they settled down on the couch anyway.

“Ok, we’re going to talk about how you did,” Blaine said, and Kurt couldn’t help wishing the camera crew away as he watched Blaine’s lips move.

It was ridiculous, he was not in love with this man. He’d been in love with this boy but not now. It was Justin and the entire emotional rollercoaster that was the X-factor that was doing this to him.

“Ok,” Kurt replied, hoping to hell his voice didn’t sound as breathy at he felt it did.

“Well, you’ve got to know I love your voice, Kurt. I mean, I loved it in high school but since then it’s changed, and not in a bad way. I feel like, well, I almost feel like its more honest now. Here and at boot camp you haven’t relied on your falsetto as much and I think that brings a lot to your performance.”

Kurt smiled at him, flushing slightly and tucking the words away for later. He might not love Blaine any more (he didn’t) but that didn’t mean that praise from his should be wasted.

“We did have a few concerns. Michael, he had some issues with your...image.”

“Are you going to tell me I need to tone it down and not try so hard, because I think we had that conversation,” Kurt said, smiling a little as he remembered Dalton. Blaine smiled back at him, a soft sad smile, and reached up to squeeze Kurt’s shoulder.

“No, I know full well that you’ll never stop being who you are, and it’s not a problem for me but Michael thought it might be for America. Kurt, the biggest problem for me is who you were to me,” and as he says it his face closes off a little. “Kurt, you are amazing and I’ve known that since we were seventeen, if I put you through then everyone’s going to say that it was because you were by first love, are you ready for that?”

“Please have always said what they want about me,” Kurt replied, “I know they’ll talk, but I know you, Blaine. Or I knew you. You’re fair to a fault, if you really thought that you couldn’t judge me objectively you wouldn’t be here now. I trust that if you put me through, it won’t be because of what we were but because of what I am now.”

Blaine nodded, staring for a moment at the floor, then at Kurt, as though he could make his decision just by staring at Kurt.

“You’re good, Kurt,” he said, softly. “I could listen to your sing all day. I do see what Michael meant, but I think it’s different out there. I want tp put you out there now and in a way it’s not just for the person you are now, it’s for the boy you were, and all the boys like you, who are told they’re too gay to be famous. Kurt, if I put you forward and they do vote you off, will you be ok?”

“Ok might be too strong a word for it,” Kurt said, giving Blaine a shaky smile. “But I’ll cope. I always do, and at least I’ll be able to say I’ve tried.”

“I’m going to put your through,” Blaine said, with a sudden decisiveness, and Kurt let out a small cry, the tension he didn’t realise he’d been holding flowing out of his body as he leant forward to hug Blaine, tears running down his cheeks.

He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, he knew that a lot of what Blaine had said was going to be true, and he might be being sent through just so the American public could vote him off for being Blaine’s first love, but he was through.

He wasn’t allowed to wait in the kitchen but instead waited on the stairs. James was already there and congratulated him.

D.J. was through next, and the way he cursed as he stormed up the stairs told them everything they needed to know.

When Justin came out in the hall next in floods of tears and wrapped an arm around Kurt’s neck then knew all they needed to know. Matt was going through. Kurt took Justin upstairs out of the way and held him as he cried for his dreams, all the while turning over in his head what Blaine had said, if in those quiet moments Blaine had been making a decision between Kurt and Justin and if Kurt’s shot at his dreams meant Justin has lost his.

He hoped it wasn’t.

He found himself promising, at Justin’s prompting, that he’d stay in and not be voted out and that he’d phone Justin after every show to tell him just how amazing it had been .

By the time Justin had calmed down enough for Kurt to leave him, Blaine had already left the house.

~*~*~*~

Stepping off the plane back in Columbus was strange. There was Justin’s mother, crying and holding Justin and congratulating Kurt and Kurt knew he couldn’t do anything to help, and soon behind them was Carole, looking tired but happy, with Finn behind her holding his daughter in his arms. Kurt had never felt more glad to see them, and let them talk him back to Carole’s where Finn’s wife, Anna, had baked a ‘well done Kurt’ cake.

He wished Justin had been able to join him, He wished his stomach wasn’t turning itself in knots over the idea he’d destroyed that kid’s dreams just to be voted off in the first round.


	8. Live shows week 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first live show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Running late on posting again. This is the first live show and the results show that goes with it. Also, from now on when I'm not a failure chapter will be up so the live show's on Saturday and the results show is on Sunday. Thank you for reading <3

List of the X-factor finalists (US Series 9)  
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia

The ninth series of the X-Factor is now being broadcast on Fox.

Boys  
The “Boys” category is being mentored by Blaine Anderson.

Matt Brown  
Matt Brown (21) is from Boston, Massachusetts and works in a fast food restaurant. He is the father of a three year old child with his girlfriend Helen Brown.

Kurt Hummel  
Kurt Hummel (26) is from Lima, Ohio. He works as a shop assistant but has a lifelong dream to appear on Broadway. Controversy follows Hummel in the show as he is the former boyfriend of judge Blaine Anderson. Kurt and Blaine are both on the record as stating that Kurt's progression through the judge’s house stage was no effected by his prior relationship with Blaine but many commentators remain unconvinced.

Steven Isaac (19) is from Lansing, Michigan. He is a student and lives with his father and his three younger sisters. He says his dream is to tour the world as a musician.

James Lopez (29) is from Phoenix, Arizona. He worked as an accountant until he decided to enter the X-factor. He's been writing his own songs since he was twelve and plays the piano, guitar and saxophone.

The Girls

Riley Allen  
Riley Allen (25) is from Columbus, Ohio. She grew up on a farm before moving to Columbus where she studied economics at the university to end up serving coffee. Her musical heroes include john Mellencamp.

Ariana Hill  
Ariana Hill (17) is from Fort Worth, Texas. She is the youngest remaining contestant and a self-confessed princess.

Eva Moore  
Eva Moore (23) is from Joliet, Illinois. She works as a chef and is the legal guardian of her two younger brothers, Reece and Callum. Nothing is known about how Eva came to be the legal guardian of her brothers.

Olivia Walker  
Olivia Walker (28) is from New York, New York. She is a housewife with two children who was entered into the competition by her husband, who works in finance. Olivia used to sing in theme parks in her teens but gave up on her dreams of stardom to have a family.

The Over 30's

Juan Gomez  
Juan Gomez (37) is from Savannah, Georgia. He is an electrician by training though he is also well known for performing acoustic sets in local bars. He has been writing his own music for fifteen years.

Travis Price  
Travis Price (69) is from Springfield, Illinois. He is a retired bouncer and won several boxing competitions in his younger days.

Harold Rogers  
Harold Rogers (50) is from New Haven, Connecticut. He works in his family business with his wife, his brother and his five children. He's always dreamed of stardom and now his oldest son has mostly taken over the business he's decided to follow his dreams.

Zoe Smith  
Zoe Smith (32) is from Temecula, California, and is a beautician. She has three children by two different men and is not currently married. Zoe caused controversy at the judge’s house by loudly criticising fellow contestant Kathleen Turner, causing her to drop out of the competition.

The Groups

His and hers towels  
His and hers towels are a husband and wife duo from Green Bay, Wisconsin, made up of Rob Clarke (32), an insurance salesman, and Katie Clarke, (27) a shop assistant.

Soul sisters  
Soul sisters are a three piece girl band made up of Brooklyn Mattice, Jocelyn Belser and Maya Anderson, all 18 and from Savannah, Georgia. Their families are good friend and the girls have been singing together as Soul Sisters since they were 15.

The Thompson family singers  
The Thompson family singers are a five piece band made of siblings Isabelle (28), Emma (26), John (23), Robert (20) and Michael (19) Thompson from Cleveland, Ohio. They have been singing together as part of their local gospel choir all their lives.

Zn54  
Zn54 are a four member boy band made up of Ray burns (40), Joel Gordon (41), Edwin Shaw (39) and Don Holmes (37) from New York, New York. The group are all teachers in a school in New York who formed a singing group after discovering a shared interest in the staff room.

 

~*~*~*~

Kurt had a week at home to pack up, making the decision to get out of the lease in his tiny flat and move his things into Carol's basement. If he was voted out on the first week it'd be a silly thing to do, but he couldn't let himself think about that. He had to believe he was going to succeed at this. Carol seemed happy to have him back, setting up the spare room for him, though he only slept in it for one night in the end.

Moving into the X Factor house was even more surreal then moving back in with Carol. Though he was glad at least that everyone was back in together as he didn't think he'd have been able to cope in a house with only the boys. He was also glad he got James as a roommate, though that did leave Matt with Steven.

One of them would be going home this week anyway. Four acts through meant that at the end of week one each judge would get rid of one more of their own acts, and Kurt had no intention of letting it be him.

As room makes go, James was much the same as he'd been in the London house, quiet and neutral. He was clean, orderly, and quiet, everything you should want in a roommate. He was also avoidant in answering questions to the point where Kurt was beginning to wonder if he had something to hide. Not that he could complain if the guy did, he had plenty of things he wasn't telling the camera crew, and this was hardly the group to share it with.

People kept mostly to their groups for the first few days, the groups sticking to themselves, the over 30's avoiding the younger generation, though the girls and boys mixed a little. First Ariana, who seemed to be used to being surrounded by fawning men, but gradually the others came over too. He spent an afternoon working with Riley, but she reminded him of his dad a little too much in the confident way she used her hands and her down to earth attitude so they didn't last long. He found more of a kindred soul in Olivia, though spending any significant time with her did mean having to look at photos of her kids.

They spent the first week learning the basics, dance moves that Kurt remembered from booty camp in high school and singing exercises and a little time with the stylist, though Kurt nearly cut the man when he suggested that what Kurt's wardrobe needed was to be more casual. He liked his statements and his fashion and once the stylist was convinced he couldn't change that, they got on much better.

By half way through the week people were mixing more. Steven seemed to have attached himself to Ariana and girls from Soul Sisters, which was a little sad to watch as Steven and Ariana both had egos the size of Lorries so they didn't make ideal friends. They reminded him to Rachel and Jesse in a way, though he felt strange to be thinking of them like that.

Zoe managed to place herself with him and Olivia, which he didn't mind much as they could entertain each other with baby photos and, as a beautician, she did at least understand a little of what he said when he criticised the other contestants on their looks.

It wasn't the same, though, and he missed Justin rather more then he'd expected. They texted now and again but he didn't want to rub it in the boy's face that he was the one to get this far, and Justin seemed a lot quieter.

Katie also talked with them a little, though she spent most of her time with her husband. They'd only been married for six months and were so obviously in love it was sickening, and he could hardly begrudge her that, but a little part of him was jealous every time he saw them. After all, of the dreams he had in school, married by 30 was about the only one he hadn't destroyed yet, it was hard to see happy married life shoved in his face.

At the start of the second week they were all gathered together and told the theme for the first week. Kurt's stomach was already in knots for the live show, and the theme didn't help much. Introduce yourself in a song. They were also told that their judges would be in some time in the week to talk to them.

He received some odd looks when that was announced. He already knew that it was common knowledge in the house that he used to love Blaine; he didn't exactly begrudge them the dirty looks. He was sure he'd be giving some of his own in different circumstances.

Still, his heart did jump at the idea of seeing Blaine again.

~*~*~*~

A schedule went up that afternoon with visits from their celebrities, times to arrange their songs and work with the vocal coach and time to choreograph, as well as practice time on the big stage.

Blaine was scheduled in for Tuesday morning, and Kurt was last on the list to see him. It kind of made him happy because it meant he wouldn't be rushed like the others were and he let himself smile at the idea of a little time to really talk to Blaine. At the start of this, he was worried that they'd be spending too much time together and it would be bad for them, not Kurt would be happy to see him at all.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when an arm landed over his shoulder and someone laughed in his ear. He turned around to see Olivia smiling at him.

“You know, you don't have to be so obvious about it,” she mumbled.

“About what?” he asked, blushing a little though he already knew.

“About Blaine,” the name was said in a kind of sing-song tone that made Kurt shudder.

“Please, that was a long time ago; we don't even really know each other anymore. I mean, it's not that I won't be glad to see him but, well, it's not like he means anything special to me now.”

“Oh yeah, so you're just grinning because you're going to spend time with someone who means nothing in particular to you, right?”

“Honey, I'm just grinning because I got this far,” he replies with a laugh, shrugging her arm off his shoulder. “Have you decided on a song for this week yet?”

“I don't know,” she said, “I think I'll just wait and see what Lady Gaga thinks I should do, and doesn't it feel surreal to say that. What about you?”

“I haven't decided yet either,” Kurt replied with a shrug. “It's hard, describing yourself in a single song. It'll be interesting, though. Seeing what side of themselves people decide to show to the judges.”

“Yeah, I think Arianna's going to do Katie Perry, and Zoe said something about Madonna, though I'm not sure what song.”

“As long as it's not 'like a virgin',” Kurt said, wincing. “It's a strange week, anyway. It feels like such an achievement to be here, but this time next week another four acts will be gone, I think these cuts are going to drive me mad.”

“I know,” Olivia said with a sign. “You just get used to people and they leave, though I guess that's life.”

The others were gathering around by then so Kurt excused himself and went back up to his room, plugging in his mp3 player and continuing the search for the perfect song to describe him.

~*~*~*~

Predictably, everything was already running late by the time he had his appointment with Blaine on Tuesday morning. Zoe came by to tell him that Blaine and Steve had been arguing for a good hour longer then they were meant to have, and though James' complete lack of commitment meant he just went along with what Blaine said and they made up thirty minutes there, they were still running half an hour late when it was Kurt's turn.

He showed up on time anyway, sitting outside the door with his mp3 player and listening to a few more tracks. He was running into the problem that too much of his music was Broadway, and while he'd happily sing “The life I never lead” or “I'm the greatest star”, he knew neither of them were going to be massively popular with the American public.

Not that he had anyone to impress this week but Blaine, but the fact remained that if he didn't start engaging a voting public for himself then when voting did start, he wasn't going to be able to stay in the show for very long.

Matt only pushed them another ten minute late and he came out of the meeting looking worried and clutching a bundle of papers in his hands. Kurt guessed he was having some trouble with some choice too.

Then he was being called in to the meeting.

The room the meeting was being held in was one of the dance studios, though a couple of the comfy chairs had been dragged in from the other room and that's where Blaine was sitting, sprawled back and at ease as anything. It made Kurt feel the line of tension in his own back even more acutely.

“Blaine,” he said, drawing attention to himself. Blaine looked up and then gave him a big, lazy smile.

“Hey you, please tell me you have everything worked out because I've had such a morning. I'm wishing I'd put some different people through now, who'd have thought Steven would be so much trouble?”

“I could have told you,” Kurt said, slipping into the other chair. “He caused enough trouble in the London house. And I'm sorry but I haven't got everything ready. I...I need some advice actually.”

“Sure,” Blaine said, sitting forward with an easy smile. “I'm good with advice, though I have to tell you, it feels kind of strange to be playing the mentor to you.”

“I don't see why,” Kurt replied with a soft laugh, “Isn't that how we started out all those years back, me not knowing what to do and you playing the fabulous gay mentor.”

“I'm not sure I'd describe myself as fabulous,” Blaine said with a laugh. “Though, yeah, I do take the point. I never have been able to keep my opinions to myself, have I?”

“No,” Kurt said with a soft laugh. “Though the advice was appreciated at the time, and it would be again now. I'm, I'm kind of lost here, Blaine. I never meant to be here and, well, I love to sing but my repertoire is...it's...”

“Too Broadway?” Blaine suggested, and when Kurt raised his eyebrow he laughed. “You forget just how many musicals I sat through for you when we were teenagers. You know, Broadway isn't necessarily a bad thing. You'll definitely appeal to a certain audience.”

“Not a very wide one, though” Kurt said, rolling his eyes. “And there's no point in being here if I don't at least try to win, that means appealing to the widest audience I can.”

“I get that,” Blaine agreed. “Ok, so, let's talk wider audience appeal.”

They spent a good hour scrawling through Kurt's mp3 player, until they finally found a song they could both agree on, and then another thirty minutes talking image and staging, by which point Blaine's assistant who had been loitering outside the door was starting to look nervous, and they had overrun quite considerably.

“I guess we're going to have to finish here,” Blaine said finally, when the woman retreated after another pointed look around the door into the room. Kurt nodded, stretching himself. They had more dance this afternoon ahead of meeting to arrange the music tomorrow and choreography starting Thursday.

It was cutting it fine; Kurt could already feel the stress waiting for him outside his door.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “But, thanks. It's kind of good to know that even after all these years we can still get on.”

“Of course we can,” Blaine scoffed. “We were too good together not to be able to be friends.”

“I know,” Kurt mumbled, “I...I'm sorry about that.”

“Don't,” Blaine said, and he sounded oddly sharp. “Just, it was a long time ago, this is new, let's not drag the past into it. I have to go.”

“Ok,” Kurt said, frowning a little. “He'd expected the apology to be accepted with a shrug and laugh, the strange sharp tone of Blaine's voice wasn't a good thing, and though Kurt knew it had been his choice to end their relationship, he hadn't expected so much hurt to still be there after so long.

~*~*~*~

He didn't get to meet his backing dancers until Friday morning, and the idea of having backing dancers was surreal to him. Two girls and three men, all tall and willowy like him. It was strange to think that they were his backup dancers but it was so nice to be socialising with people he wasn't directly competing against again that he got over it quickly. Lacy and Marion, the girls, were both lovely and were happy to gossip about the latest trends with him when he took out his copy of vogue to read at lunch, but it was only when Tony and Alex, two of the male dancers, came over to join the conversation themselves, having clearly read the article, that Kurt felt really comfortable again.

He just couldn't shake the voice at the back of his head that told him his much Justin would enjoy this conversation.

~*~*~*~

Olivia opened the live show with a heart breaking version of Love Song by Sara Bareilles and Kurt almost wished he hadn't listened, they didn't have to listen to the others perform and while part of him needed to know the competition, the part of him that was crunched in knots didn't want to know exactly what he was up against.

After Olivia came off stage he escaped from the rest of them, going back into his dressing room and checking his phone. There was the expected message from Finn wishing him good luck, but ones from people at work too (though he deleted all the ones but the one Nicola sent), a text from Carole telling him she'd still love him if he went out this week, but she hoped he got through, and a text from Justin.

He re-read the one from Justin several times, though it was just a generic good luck and a note that Kurt had to get through this round then Justin could vote for him next week. It was a reminder, though, of what had come before. It was a reminder of the judge’s house and how must people had invested him and, also, what he'd already got from this.

Even if he went home tonight, he'd made friends with Justin and maybe helped give the boy some courage. He'd got to meet Blaine again, which was amazing.

He could do this.

He was the second boy to be on, Matt went first. It seemed to take forever to get to him. He tried to focus on the text and keep calm until one of the dancers came to find him. It was one of the male dancers who had cheered him up by chatting with him.

“Hey,” he mumbled when the other man stuck his head around the door.

“There you are,” he said with a smile, and Kurt was a little embarrassed to realise he didn't even know the guy's name.”Nearly your turn, are you ready?”

“As I'll ever be,” Kurt said with a little laugh.

He watched the last few seconds of Soul Sister's performance then he was rushing to be on stage while they ran a short packet of his week. It was all a rush since there were so many to get through this week.

It felt like, almost as soon as he was in place and the mic was in his hand the host was introducing him and the music was starting up.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and bit his lip. This was it, a week of stress and he was here, and he felt that strange stage calm settled on him and, without thinking, he caught he cue.

“Made a wrong turn, once or twice,” he said his voice light and playful, raising an eyebrow at the judges and the crowd cheered. “Dug my way out, blood and fire,” and as he sung that, he lifted his chin and squared his shoulders a little. “Bad decision, that's alright,” he sang, looking down a little and smiling. “Welcome to my...” he paused for half a second, looking up, “Silly life,” Sung straight to the audience.

“Mistreated, Misplaced, Misunderstood, yeah, no way, it's all good, it didn't slow me down,” he sang, moving across the stage. They'd turned it into more of a ballad, the music slowed down and it was almost more melodic. The dancing was slow, and he didn't have to interact with them much, it was more them dancing around him in the end so he just let it wash over him.

“Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated,” he sang, rotating to face the judges.

“Look,” he said, dropping into his normal voice for a second. “I'm still around.”

“Oh, oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel, that you're less that, less than perfect,” he sang, pushing it and closing his eyes, almost leaning in to the music. “Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, that you're nothing, you are perfect to me.” He opened his eyes on the last two words, delivering them to the camera.

“You're so mean when you talk about yourself, you are wrong,” he sang, strolling across the stage again as the dancers glided behind him. He'd by lying if he said he wasn't thinking about Justin a little as well as himself when he picked this, he hoped the other boy appreciated it. “Change the voices in your head, made them like you instead.”

“So complicated, look how big you'll make it, filled with so much hatred, such a tired game. It's enough, I've done all I can think of, chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same,” the last line delivered to Blaine with a small smile, and to a massive cheer.

“Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel, that you're less than, less than perfect. Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel, that you're nothing, you are perfect to me.”

The music wound down and the crowd were screaming. Blaine was smiling and Kurt couldn't help smiling too, waving to the crowd as he was already being hustled of the stage and the next act hurried on.

Back stage he paused long enough to hug some people, not paying too much attention, then hurried back to the dressing room and pulling out his phone.

Carole – Oh Kurt, well done.

Finn – gd song bro!

Justin – If they don't send you through with that, they're stupid. It was great.

Something inside Kurt unclenched and he let himself breath again.

~*~*~*~

If asked about it a month ago, Kurt would have told you that he’d expect the night between the live show and the results show to be the frightening of his life. He’d expect to be tied in knots, to sit on the edge of his bed gripping the sheets, to not sleep a wink.

The reality of it was that the last two weeks had been exhausting, physically and emotionally. He’d been dancing and singing every day and he’d been so nervous. Nervous that he’d let himself down, mostly. That he’d get up on that stage and the song would be wrong or the dance would be wrong or he’d just open his mouth and not be able to make a noise, but the crowd had loved him. Blaine had smiled for him.

And of course there was the stress of the house, too. He thought he’d have handled it better if Justin was there with him, like he’d handled the previous round better because he’d have Justin to look out for. Now, it was like being back to square one, with all the pressure and none of the support network.

So when he crawled into bed after the live show he was so exhausted he was asleep in seconds and he almost missed his alarm call.

The day was a lot more laid back then the last one had been, in that nobody was rushing them from place to place. He spent a little time with Olivia and Zoe but all they wanted to do was dissect their performances and work out who they thought was going to go from each group and, well, it wasn’t that he didn’t care, it was more then he knew at this point his fate rested in Blaine’s hands and there wasn’t a lot he could do about it.

He left them to it and went back to his room where Jason was sprawled out on the bed with a book. Kurt smiled at him, they exchanged pleasantries, and it was nice. Kurt checked his phone but there were no new messages. He thought about calling Carole or Justin but he didn’t know what he’d say to them so instead he lay out on the bed with a sketchbook and planned out some new outfits.

The morning passed.

They were taking to the venue in the early afternoon and rushed off to separate makeup artists and stylists to get them ready for the night. He sat next to Matt in makeup; the poor goy was obviously a bundle of nerves and jumped every time anyone came near him. Kurt couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t feeling like that.

They were put in their groups and sent backstage to wait, and Kurt started feeling a little nervous then, but not massively. Nothing to the horrible nerves he’d had on the auditions or up to this point, he wondered if that meant he was getting used to all this.

He did get a little fluttering in his stomach when they started filming and the judges entered. Lady Gaga looked fabulous as always, sometimes he was still shocked just to remember that he’d stood in front of her and sung, if nothing else that would be something he’d be able to treasure. And Blaine, Blaine with is easy charm and great style. A part of Kurt knew that at least some of his confidence this week came from Blaine, and the knowledge that Blaine believed in him and that, for this week at least, that would be enough.

Or, well, he hoped it was enough.

When the celebrity performance started, Olivia slipped over to him and put her head on his shoulder. He hugged her tightly and whispered in her hair that she had nothing to worry about, she was sure to go through.

She’d laughed and kissed his cheek, asking him how he’d know since he didn’t watch any of the other performances. He just smiled at her. He wondered if any of the calm had to do with not watching the others. After all, he didn’t know exactly what he was up again.

Then the judging started and the over 30’s were called first.

The presenter, someone new for this season, a pretty blonde girl with a watery smile and a strange forced optimism, chatted with them for a second, and then asked L.A. to say who was staying.

The tension settled over the room but Kurt felt as though he was floating above it, immune to it somehow as he watched Zoe fidget on the stage.

Zoe was sent to safety first, and he smiled a confident smile. Of course she was, she had star quality. Juan was next, and then Travis, leaving Harold Stood in the middle of the stage with his arm around the pretty host, looking shocked as they reviewed his time here in a video montage.

The video montage pulled a Kurt’s stomach a little. He suspected they had one made up for everyone, just in case. He wondered what, exactly, would be in his video montage.

The groups were up next, and Kurt didn’t know many of them, though he did know they’d had more contact time with Simon then any of the other categories, something he told himself he wasn’t jealous about but, really, he was a little.

ZN54, the teachers group that reminded him a little of Mr Schuster and his various aborted attempts at fame, went through first, with Soul Sisters second and finally His and Hers Towels, which made him happy as they were a sweet couple, uncomplicated. The Thompson family singers left and they all cried and hugged each other all through their video slot. Kurt was sad to see them go in the abstract way that he was sad to see anyone go but he wouldn’t miss them yelling “MOM SAID” at each other down the corridors at silly hours.

Then the girls were called up, and Olivia slipped him away and left him with just the boys. James, sat as primly as ever and as inscrutable as ever. Steven was slumped back in his chair, relaxed, legs crossed, as attitude that screamed confidence, and Matt was the same bundle of nerves he’d been in rehearsals, gripping the edge of his chair.

Ariana went through first, which wasn’t really a surprise. She flounced of the stage with her usual confidence, leaving the remaining three girls clutching each other’s hands.

Riley was sent through second, and when it was announced she screamed and ran round the table to hug Lady Gaga, who accepted the hug with a benevolent smile. Kurt couldn’t ever imagine hugging Lady Gaga; she was too much of an icon. It would be like touching god, in a very uncomfortable way. Though he guessed that, for other people, hugging Blaine might be just as strange.

Olivia and Eva were left; they stood in the middle of the stage clutching each other’s hands and looking like they might cry, and for a second Kurt’s stomach really twisted. He liked Olivia, she was genuine and friendly and the only real friend he had here. Zoe was fine but he knew there was an edge to her, Olivia was more open.

He didn’t want to go through saying goodbye to someone he’d grown to rely on again. Justin was bad enough.

When Lady Gaga sent her to safety he did nearly cry, clutching his seat through Eva’s video memoire and trying to hold it together.

Now he just had to get through.

The boys were shown on stage last, and Kurt was surprised that Matt clutched at his arm, seeming to need to hold someone to get through this, but more surprised when Jason clutched his other hand and he felt the man’s palm’s sweating. Steven still stood a way off from their little huddle, looking as calm as anything.

“Blaine,” the hostess said, in her cheerfully fake tone. “Can you tell us, in no particular order, who will be staying?”

Blaine looked at them, then down to his notes, and then he scanned the line again. Finally, he spoke.

“The first person to go through it...Matt.”

And Matt burst into tears, which Kurt found more upsetting then he thought he would, pulling Kurt and Jason into a quick hug and running of the stage to safety.

“The second person to go through,” Blaine said, once the noise had died down again, and someone tightened a little in Kurt. He didn’t want to be in the bottom two again, he didn’t want that question buzzing round his head again of if he had just got this far on Blaine’s good graces and if he could make it from here out.

“Is Kurt.”

And there it was, and Kurt felt a laugh bubble out of him as James hugged him and he stumbled off the stage into the group of other contestants who were through, all of who hugged him and laughed with him.

Then he turned back to the stage.

Steven was looking less confident now, though Jason still looked calm. Kurt had felt the sweat on his palm, though. The slow tremble in his shoulder. He did wish, then, that he’d watched the other men perform.

His heart sank when; finally, Blaine spoke, sending Steven to safety and James home.

After the show was a kind of organised chaos, if such a thing could exist. They got to see the contestants who’d been voted out and were eventually all sent back to the house where those who got through had a small party while the others packed. The cameras buzzed around as Olivia got too drunk and hung off his shoulder and Kurt’s stomach twisted in knots.

When he got back to his room that evening, Jason and all traces of his possessions were gone.


	9. Live show 2

Chapter 8 – Live shows week 2

The house seemed echoingly quiet on Sunday night, with so many people having left, but by Monday morning they seemed to have all acclimatized. People had regrouped and Kurt found that Riley had joined his little group with Olivia and Zoe after sitting up most of the night with Olivia. Kurt didn’t mind so much, but she reminded him of his dad in an odd way and that made him uncomfortable.

After breakfast they were given their challenge for the week, American Anthems, and sent away to their groups to wait for their mentors.

It was strange being in a group with the boys again, especially now James has gone. Steven was still facing the entire thing with the same cocky air he’d had throughout and as soon as they entered the room he sprawled out on the first available couch.

“Damn, this week was easy,” he said, yawning. “If every week's like this then I got this thing in the bag, I'm telling you.”

“Don't be so cocky,” Kurt snapped, moving past him to stand at the window. “Just remember that from now it's not the judges that count, it's going to get a lot tougher.”

“Only for you, bitches like me,” Steven said, smirking. “I've got my own online fanclub already and everything. Who's gonna vote for you? Queers is all, and maybe even not them since we all know you only got here by screwing the judge.”

“Steven...I don't think you should...” Matt started, but seemed to run out of steam pretty quickly, standing there looking between them in despair. Kurt shrugged at him, Steven didn't react.

“Well see,” Kurt said, turning back to the window. Steven grunted but Kurt didn't do him the honor of looking again, he wasn't going to get drawn into this. He already knew that people were going to hold his relationship with Blaine against him, he didn't need someone like Steven to tell him that. And maybe Steven was right that nobody would vote for him, but he wasn't going to give up just yet.

The atmosphere was strained for a while longer. Kurt ignored the others in favor of staring out of the window, though the room was at the back of the house and it wasn't like by looking out would mean Blaine would get there any quicker. It wasn't like he cared, other than the fact that Blaine arriving would mean he didn't have to be in a room with Steven any more.

He was starting to think that he'd be able to cope with whatever happened in this competition as long as Steven went out before him.

They weren't kept waiting long which was nice, but then again Blaine had always been very punctual. He was also happy to note that while Steven got a brief handshake and Matt a slightly more enthusiastic pat on the shoulder he was pulled into a brief hug. There was something about Blaine's hugs, they always seemed to make the entire day a little better. Though that could just be the lingering romantic in him remembering how they used to be together.

“Okay,” Blaine said, stepping back and looking around the room. “I'm going to spend some time with you all again, and since you're in the top three we're going to be spending a lot more time together from here on out, so I'm going to give you all my cell phone number. You're also going to have your first official press interviews this week. They'll be on Thursday. There'll be a panel of journalists and that's kind of all they told me, but just keep them in mind. We can chat about what they're likely to ask you and what you can say, anyway. So, any questions?”

“Yeah,” Steven said, grinning. “Are we allowed to leave this dump? It's just I think I've got an in with one of the soul sister and I want to take her out and show her a good time, you know. Head into New York, hit some nightclubs up?”

“Well, I'd prefer you didn't,” Blaine said with a frown, “But I can hardly stop you, if you need to go out then go out. I don't think it really shows a commitment to the show, though, if you go out drinking.”

“Don't worry,” Steven said with a dismissive wave. “I got this. Anyway, I got so many ideas, think I can go first to get them off my chest?”

“Sure, whatever,” Blaine said with a sigh. He gave Kurt a small smile and then turned and headed out of the room, Steven in tow. The room settled back into awkward silence while they thought to themselves. Kurt let himself dwell on what he was going to tell the press. He had no doubt they'd want detailed of his relationship with Blaine but he also knew there were details of that he wasn't happy discussing yet, like how it ended. He suspected Blaine might have some things he'd rather weren't mentioned too, they'd have to get their stories straight together today.

“Kurt I...I'm sorry,” Matt said, jolting Kurt out of carefully constructing press statements in his head. Kurt blinked at him for a second.

“For what?” he asked.

“Don't make me say it,” Matt said, and he looked uncomfortable. Kurt raised an eyebrow.

“I'm sorry, Matt, I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about. You're going to have to help me out here.”

“I'm sorry for the way I acted in London. I mean, Steven's an ass. Everyone can see that he's an ass and I knew, really, but I went along with what he wanted anyway, and that's not cool in the least. So, I just wanted to apologize to you is all.”

“Oh, don't worry about it,” Kurt said, smiling. “I blame all that on Steven, not you. Not that the apology isn't appreciated, but I know it was his idea.”

“Thanks, man,” Matt said, a relieved smile on his face. “I just figured, it was getting awkward, and hopefully we're gonna be spending a while together yet so I should apologize for being stupid. I won't let it happen again.”

“Well, see that you don't,” Kurt said with a laugh. “Though it's honestly not a big deal. The entire thing upset Justin more than it upset me.”

“Yeah, can you tell him I'm sorry? I mean, I guess you're still in touch with him?”

“Yes,” Kurt said, nodding. “We text every now and then. I'll let him know you apologized. I think it was just the stress of the house. It was a rather strange week.”

“Yeah, it really was,” Matt said, and they shared a knowing smile.

The door opened just then and Blaine came in to take Matt away. Kurt spent the waiting period between imagining his press statements and developing outfit and song ideas for this week's performance. He loved that being last in meant he got to spend more time with Blaine, but he was less than thrilled about the wait time.

Eventually Blaine slipped back in, looking a little tired but still smiling, and took Kurt through to the sitting room they were using today for their talks.

“So,” Blaine said, collapsing in one of the chairs. Kurt smiled and sat down across from him. In an odd way, these sitting rooms reminded him of the sitting rooms in Dalton, and those rooms had particular good memories for him. “I've got this list of songs to pick from and I think I know what I want you to do.” He waved a piece of paper at Kurt, but Kurt waved his hand dismissively.

“Actually, can we do the talking about the press thing first? I get the feeling it's going to take longer than the song part, so we should probably get it out of the way now.”

“Sure,” Blaine said with a shrug. “I guess it doesn't take a genius to work out they're going to ask about us?”

“No,” Kurt said. “It's basically a given. That's why I think this conversation is going to take a while. I want to clear it with you which bits we're re-hashing for the press and what we're keeping to ourselves.”

“To be honest,” Blaine said, wrinkling his nose, “I want to give them as little as possible. The way I figure it, you want to try to steer those conversations around to other things, don't let them trap you into talking about me too much.”

“But if I do that,” Kurt said softly, “It's going to look like we've got something to hide, and they're going to go digging. If they have to have something of us, I'd rather they have it on my terms, not their own. Blaine, I don't want questions about my dad, not yet.”

“I just, these memories are special to me, Kurt. I don't want them to belong to the world, they're just ours.”

“I know,” Kurt said, reaching across and taking Blaine's hand in his. “We don't need to give them the important things, just some cute stories. I mean, how about the story of my junior prom? That's kind of public knowledge anyway, in that it happened in public...”

“If you tell that story, we'll want to know about how high school was for you, how you were bullied. Are you okay talking about that?”

“Yes,” Kurt said, shrugging. “I mean, that might be a good thing, even. Win me some sympathy, maybe, and it might be helpful to some kids in high school? I don't know. I know I'm not a big deal, Blaine, but if even one kids feels less alone because they know my story then, well, I don't mind telling it.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Blaine replied, nodding. “Just...don't share anything too private, okay? I think....I think our first kiss should be just for us.”

“My first kiss that counted,” Kurt said with a soft smile. “Yes, I guess that is a special memory. God, I still remember everything about that kiss. Did I ever thank you for it?”

“I think I got thanks enough,” Blaine said with a soft laugh. “I remember it too. I mean, it's things like that, little special things, that I want to keep away from the press. They'll never really understand that kiss, with everything that went behind it and everything it said.”

“I know,” Kurt said, softly. “It’s too precious to share with everyone. I don’t…I don’t want to give those things away, and I don’t want to discuss how we ended. I’m just..I’m not ready for any of that. I might be some day, but not today.”

“I get that. I certainly won’t bring it up if you don’t. Have you thought about what else they might ask you?”

Kurt was glad at the switch in conversation topic and let Blaine steer them into safer waters.

~*~*~*~

For the next few days he was immersed in dance practice and singing. They’d made the decision that, since so far he hadn’t really done any dancing, this week he was going to be doing some. It was a long time since he’d danced, though, so everything else was put to the side a little to focus on that. He ended to spending a lot of time with the dancer who had fetched him from the dressing room on his first live show. It turned out the guy was called Lionel and had a massive fixation with Marc Jacobs, so they had a lot to talk about. He still ate his meals with Olivia, Zoe and their latest addition, Riley, but they were just as busy as him so he didn’t see them much outside meal times.

He thought a few times about calling Blaine, but he knew he didn’t really NEED to and Blaine was busy. Still, sometimes he flipped open his phone and scrolled through the names just to see Blaine listed there again after so long.

Steven went out drinking with all the girls from Soul Sister and Matt in the end, and they stumbled in at a silly hour of Thursday morning waking everyone up.

He almost forgot that Thursday was the dreaded interview day, though he couldn’t really forget. It was a little niggle at the back of his mind, but it wasn’t until the cars arrived to take them to the stylists that he realized it was now.

He felt a little bad for the people who’d been out last night, who were looking bleary eyed and hung over, until he remembered that they’d woke him up when they came in too.

He was always quick with the stylist, he’d been his own stylist for so long that it was second nature to him now. He ended up sat around waiting for the others with Riley, who more or less rejected the entire notion of a stylist and laughed off anything they tried to do to her. Kurt had no idea how someone as image-conscious as Lady Gaga coped when mentoring someone like Riley.

Then they were off to the interviews, and he wished he’s spent his spare time revising his answers instead of listening to Riley’s anecdotes about the town she grew up in.

They were all being interviewed by the same panel, so there was a lot of waiting. They were called in one at a time, or as a group for the groups, to chat and presumably to reveal all their secrets. Kurt ended up settled with Riley, Olivia and Zoe again, Zoe bitching about the outfits her stylist was coming up with for her, and Olivia and Riley swapping more home town stories. Kurt avoided participating; it wasn’t like he had any golden memories of Lima to share with them.

He was kind of glad when he got called in in the end, just to have it over with.

The panel seemed nice enough, though he didn’t remember any of their names. They started of chatting about his unusual reasons for going on the show and he was happy enough to tell them that story. He side-stepped a few exploratory questions about his family, and they seemed to give up on that line pretty quickly when he chatted about his nice relationship with his family, which was good.

Then they began to circle when he didn’t want to talk about.

“So, you’re a confirmed homosexual, yes?” One of them asked, smiling. He felt his stomach drop a little; he knew where this was headed.

“Yes, since high school,” he confirmed. “There was never really a chance for me to hide it. Most of my friends knew I was gay before I came out to them.”

“And, being gay in high school, what kind of experience was that for you?”

“Horrible,” Kurt admitted quickly. “The place I lived, well, it wasn’t exactly tolerant. I was thrown in the dumpster, slammed into lockers, had slushes thrown at me. My family used to get abusive phone called at home and at work. It got so bad I had to transfer schools for a while because I was afraid for my life.”

“It was in high school that you dated Blaine, wasn’t it?” the reporter asked, smiling at him, and there was something predatory in her grin.

“Yes, we started dating in my junior year.”

“How did you meet?”

“Oh, we were both in show choir, though at different schools, we met through that,” Kurt said, glossing over the spying and his breaking down in tears in the senior commons. “We were best friends for a while, and then we started dating. A while after that I transferred back to my old school, and then Blaine transferred there too.”

“How long were you together?” she asked.

“Oh, about...two and a half years I guess.”

“That’s a long time at that age,” she said, smiling, as though trying to show how much she was his friend. “Why did you break up?”

“I’d rather not talk about that, actually,” Kurt said, smiling back at her and wishing he’d just invented a cover story. “We were happy, it ended, we’re friends now, well, a little. This competition is the first time I’ve seen him since we broke up and it’s nice, it’s good to see him again after so long like it’s good to reconnect with any of my old friends.”

“So, he’s just a friend to you now? There’s no unfinished business in your relationship?”

“It’s a long time ago that we dated, we have both very much moved on. Blaine is a good person and a wonderful friend, I’m lucky to be able to have him in the life again. He’s also a fair person and he cares a lot about this competition.”

“So, you’re saying your past relationship has nothing to do with why you’re still here?”

“Yes,” Kurt said firmly. “Blaine wouldn’t let his personal feelings cloud his judgment like that, I’m here because I can sing, just like everyone else. I think the public can see that, and I’m looking forward to entertaining them again this week.”

“What about your relationship with Justin Wolf? Sources say there might be romance in the air there?”

The reporter obviously wasn’t expecting Kurt to laugh, but he couldn’t help himself. It was so ridiculous, Steven must have said something to them or some of the ridiculous rumours had somehow made their way into the show.

“I’m sorry,” he said thorough his laughter. “Just, no. Justin is lovely, he’s a great friend and I’m so glad I met him and got to know him through the competition, but I’m really not interested in him that way. Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, I don’t want to look insensitive but this rumour was circulating not long ago and I thought we dealt with it already. I am not in any kind of romantic relationship with Justin.”

“What about sexual?” the reported asked, picking up on the romantic statement.

“No, not that either. I’m not in a relationship right now, I haven’t been for a while and I certainly have no intention of getting into one. I need to focus on this competition and on impressing the American public, I don’t need to be distracted by impressing a new boyfriend too.”

“What about an old boyfriend rekindled?”

“Please,” Kurt said with a sigh. “I wouldn’t, what I had with Blaine was a long time ago, things change. Anyway, we’re both too professional to even consider it. I’m here to win a singing competition, not pine after an old boyfriend.”

“So, you’re saying there’s no chance.”

Something inside Kurt stuck. He didn’t want to say that, not really. But it was true, wasn’t it. There was no chance for him and Blaine; he’d blown any chance he had.

“It’s not going to happen.”

~*~*~*~

He didn’t sleep well on Thursday night, the questions kept turning over and over in his mind, and he hated that he was dwelling on it. He was over Blaine, so over him. It had been years, but he couldn’t seem to stop it.

Luckily most of Friday was spent in dance rehearsal and so by the time he went to sleep he was ready to collapse. Saturday was the same rush he remembered from the week before. He kept his phone on him as much as he could, having a text conversation with Carole, who told him how she’d been going around trying to talk everyone into voting for him and telling him they were having a party that night to watch the show and vote, and a conversation with Justin who had read an article from his interview and apparently been touched by Kurt referring to him as a friend. He ended up promising to phone Justin after the show to catch up.

He was glad he’d made friends with Lionel as the dancer spent a good part of the day directing him around.

Before he knew it the filming had started, and instead of dragging the time seemed to race today and, though he was the last boy on, it seemed like seconds after the show started that he was on stage singing.

Simon had a smile for him, which was amazing. Lady Gaga said she loved the fierce side of himself he’d brought out in the song and she was looking forward to seeing more of that from him and Blaine said he was proud of him.

It was a little worrying that while Lady Gaga’s comments were important to him, it was Blaine’s that really made his heart leap.

That night he spent an hour on the phone with Justin, telling him in detail about what was going on, what the stylists were like and how he got to pick out his outfits and what it was like working with Blaine again. It was sweet, and it made him miss the other boy a lot, and wish he was closer to people here. In the end, he was so tired that he fell asleep while still on the line, before he even got around to worrying about the voting.

~*~*~*~

He thought he was going to spend most of the Sunday worrying about the voting but, in the end, he didn’t have time. Blaine showed up in the morning and sent them all off separately with a song they needed to learn for it they were in the bottom two. He spent hours singing, with Blaine stopping in occasionally to say he was doing great and there was no way he’d end up in the bottom two anyway.

He had a little time to worry when they were setting up the results show, but Olivia clung to him the entire time so he was happy to get her distract him.

In the end, he wasn’t in the bottom two. Juan and Zn54 had to sing for their lives, and Juan got sent home. Carole phoned him almost as soon as the filming was over to tell him how proud she was of him, and if he cried a little she didn’t comment on it.


End file.
